What will happen if you think about a person for a long time. Victim Syndrome: People Who Constantly Complain

Each person felt in his head an endless stream of obsessive thoughts, which overshadows consciousness and does not allow to calm down. It is much more difficult to cope with obsessive thoughts if their object is an important person to the heart.

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Many ended up in a similar situation and became hostages of their feelings. It happens that there is not even a reason for remembering, but all thoughts are still directed exclusively at a certain person. It becomes interesting whether such a connection can only be one-sided, or whether a person will also feel something if you think about it for a long time.

Communication using thought processes

Scientists and psychologists have been looking for answers to questions about such strange phenomenon like telepathy, they try to study what is happening between people. Some argue that such interaction is quite real, while others do not take seriously possible communication only thought processes.But a large number of eyewitnesses who have experienced this phenomenon on themselves serve as confirmation of its existence:

• The strongest invisible bond is found between blood relatives, and it is most pronounced between mother and child. After all, it is no coincidence that one often hears about sudden calls after the emergence of a thought, desired gifts, similar ideas, fears, feelings. Parents and children are more capable of interacting mentally than others, often unconsciously.
• A similar phenomenon occurs in couples in love. But in such cases it is difficult to assert something, since in the thoughts of the beloved there is always only the chosen one or the chosen one, who at first are the whole world for each other. But also completely exclude the coincidence of simultaneous dreams or unexpected anxiety both are also impossible.

It's quite another matter when in question about telepathic messages to an outsider and to a stranger that has never been important and expensive. In this case, the main criterion is the energy sensitivity of the object of thoughts, so there are two options here:

• If an individual is completely immune to subtle matters, then for sure he will not feel anything at all, but will simply continue his business.
• If hallmark personality is a subtle mental organization, then there will be a feeling of incomprehensible anxiety or even thoughts about some other long-forgotten person.

In such cases, the person to whom the stream of thoughts is directed will be able to feel it.

They say that if you miss a person for a long time, then he will definitely feel it. But in psychology there are no exact theories and proofs of such a fact. When a certain personality is constantly spinning in the head, this violates the psycho-emotional state of the thinker - he is always in tension, but this rarely affects the object of thoughts. The reason for his bad condition, mood and such thoughts can be anything - problems at work or in the family, difficult periods of life, lack of love and understanding.

How obsessive thoughts affect a person

When studying the problems of telepathy, you need to pay special attention to such a fact - thoughts of an obsessive nature, lasting a long amount of time, can serve as a source of exhaustion of the person himself. His internal energy concentrates exclusively on the impact with the help of energy on the object, and not on the achievement of his own goals.

People who have different energy level, I manifest myself as follows:

• A person who is strong in spirit and filled with energy at the maximum level feels a surge of strength and a desire to achieve great success. A thinking person will only render positive influence- will share his strength and energy, he will be able to mentally help to take a step towards the fulfillment of an old dream. Thanks to this, the person who was constantly thought about will become happier and will not even understand the reason for such increased ambition.
• When the object of thoughts has a weak level of energy or at a given life stage his spiritual powers are depleted, thoughts directed at him can be harmful. The person will feel anxious, their concentration will decrease, and their ability to focus on something important will also be minimal. In this situation, the thoughts of the thinker will only bring trouble to a weak and defenseless person who does not understand anything. He is very vulnerable to external factors, any influence from the outside only worsens it psychological condition, causes discomfort and inconvenience.

Getting rid of obsessive thoughts

Getting rid of obsessive thoughts is not as easy as it might seem. It is important that the messages of the telepathic plane tend to complicate life. And if this person is truly dear, then it makes sense to think about whether it is worth thinking in this direction, because these actions may turn out to be negative.

Healthy communication between people consists in mutual understanding, moral support, mutual assistance. Not every person wants or knows how to properly support, while forgetting about their problems. No one ever thinks fully of another person all the time. Everyone is busy with themselves and their problems. The crux of the matter is that there are people who can generalize and move away from their unsuccessful streak of life, change the course of position, gaining a positive attitude.

And there are individuals who are so deeply buried in their problems, failures and falls that they simply cannot see the solution to their problems, they do not know where to look for it. The only thing left for them is to spoil the lives of others and feel sorry for or blame themselves. Such behavior hides completely different motives and hidden desires. Let's figure out how to properly communicate with people who constantly complain.

Types of people who are bad: ulterior motives

Why every meeting with a girlfriend or boyfriend ends with whining and complaints, and you start to involuntarily think that it may be the way it should be, so that everything is always in black without a ray of light. In fact, when a person begins to complain and dump everything that has accumulated on the other, pour out the negative negative, at the same time he is recharged with the positive from the interlocutor, freeing himself from problems in this way. There are three types of personalities who are bad:

The first type of constantly complaining person needs to get permission for a bad life, self-justification

When, during communication between people, there is a one-sided conversation about a bad, unsuccessful life, about a bunch of small problems, for another interlocutor it seems that the purpose of the conversation is to speak out and that's it. On the proposed solutions to problems and advice, the person simply shrugs it off and says: “You don't understand, this cannot be that simple solution to such problems. " The person simply does not want to see all the simplicity of the way out, it needs self-justification in such an unfortunate turn of events. A person just needs an affirmative answer from the interlocutor that everything is really bad, and nothing can be done about it. This style of communication is aimed at manipulating the emotions of the other person in order to justify their own weakness.

What is the reason for this behavior?

Everyone understands that in difficult moment you need to direct all your strength to overcome difficulties and solve all problems. At some point, a person turns his back on these difficulties and simply does not want to do anything, waiting for everything to resolve by itself. A friend / girlfriend is only required to confirm the correctness of such behavior in order to calmly continue to live like “doing nothing is better than trying”. All the negativity remains in the soul of the interlocutor, in return, relief is received.

The second type of personality, who always does not like everything, needs self-affirmation

This type of approach is considered more cunning and sophisticated. At first glance, the interlocutor asks about life, career, success. And when the right moment comes when you opened your soul and your cards, talked about a wonderful life, loving husband or wife, about a successful career ladder, then the interlocutor, instead of rejoicing, throws the whole conversation onto himself and throws the following phrase: “You’re doing well, because your husband loves”, or “What else is needed, your wife doesn’t love you”, option: you have a place to live and a car ”, something like that.

And then he begins to narrate what is wrong with him, and everything is in a circle, everything is bad. You then have a feeling of guilt, what is / is to blame? Why am I getting better? And you dig in your head, looking for everything bad that is, so as not to stand out against this background of evil fate.

What is the reason for this behavior and how to properly communicate with people of this type?

Most often, this type of manipulation is used by a person to assert in his inability that you got all the good things illegally, just lucky. Thus causing guilt on your part and self-affirmation on your part. It is important to know how to properly communicate with people who require only self-affirmation from communicating with you. There are two ways out: to talk heart to heart and find out what's what, and why such an opinion. Or, you can ask direct questions so that the interlocutor cannot avoid answering and say exactly what is the reason for such self-affirmation.

The third type of communication with people who position themselves as bad

Another sophisticated manipulation in communication, when a person does not show that he is a victim directly. And he says that he is the most "bad", he can not do anything about it, does not ask for anything, he just warns. Often such a person can use the following phrases: "now you are offended / offended, but I said / la ...", "Nobody wants to communicate with someone like me." Such standard phrases, similar to self-flagellation, which instinctively make you feel overwhelmed in such delusional thoughts of a person, immediately come to the rescue.

What does a person really require?

In such a game, ulterior motives are used to justify oneself, to relieve oneself of responsibility for one's actions and one's behavior, for one's life. There is a third person who is accused of all troubles, and you are required to confirm such a fact in order to confirm the guilt of another.

How to communicate correctly with people who constantly complain about life

The third type of personality who manipulates with constant complaints can be identified using famous Triangle Karpman. This theory explains that communication between people is concluded between the performance of three types of roles: "rescuer", "stalker" and "victim". Thus, you take on the role of a “rescuer”, the second interlocutor tries on the role of an indirect “victim”, and a third person in the image of society, parents, friend, employee becomes “persecutors”.

This triangle play can change roles, and is dangerous in that the rescuer may later become a stalker. Such a manipulative manner of communication is fraught with the acquisition of a new unwanted role for you, which leads to a loss of respect and self-confidence.

What to do, how to properly communicate with people of this type

First of all, decide whether to communicate with such a person? If you don't want to cut off all the threads of your relationship with him, then you should change the tactics of the conversation, and when the interlocutor starts another epic about his unsuccessful life, ask specific questions: What is the reason for this? How can I help to fix the situation? What have you done to resolve everything and start living differently?

Such direct questions will disarm your interlocutor, and the conversation will flow in a completely different direction.

There are situations and circumstances that force us to assume the role of victim. But do you know what happens when this period drags on for a long time? If a person constantly complains, he develops victim syndrome, which inevitably leaves an imprint on his personality and character. He ceases to control his life and constantly feels the power of circumstances over himself.

Victim Syndrome and Pessimism

A person who constantly feels like a victim is not familiar with such concepts as happiness and optimism. becomes his constant companion, painting life in gloomy tones.

He looks for a catch in everything, believing that he is haunted by failures in life. He is sure that nothing good can happen to him by default, and happiness bypasses his house.

The problem is that there is no grain of truth in this: the chronic victim suffers from a distorted perception of reality.

Of course, a person who constantly complains perceives life differently. And this picture of the world has nothing to do with reality.

On the other hand, it can be argued that dark thoughts and pessimism provokes problems. After all, it is often with a person who believes that something bad is bound to happen to him, and troubles occur.

Each of us has a life. You may have recently experienced adversity or problems that you told a friend about. And you want to ask: “Maybe I also suffer victim syndrome?».

Not at all necessary. Chronic sacrifice is a lifestyle if your mood swings are short-lived, it has nothing to do with him. Therefore, even if your mood is now at zero, this does not mean at all that this syndrome manifests itself in you.

Chronic victims and pessimists feed off negative emotions and feelings... The worst thing is that such a person not only constantly complains and blames others for their troubles, but also fosters such negative feelings as aggression, intolerance, violence, devaluation of other people, etc.

How can chronic sacrifice be characterized?

If you think you are a chronic victim, or if you recognize someone close to you in this description, it’s time to talk more about this personality type and what characterizes it.

Distortion of reality

The person suffering from victim syndrome is convinced: in all the troubles and adversities that occur to him, those around him are guilty. Thus, he completely disclaims responsibility for his own life and prefers to pass it on to others.

The problem is that he interprets reality in a way that suits him best. this moment... As a result, the life of the chronic victim becomes even darker.

After all, when we relinquish responsibility for our life, we lose control over it.... As a result, our hands are tied, and we can no longer change anything in what is happening.

The person constantly complains

It is the complaints that feed the chronic victim. We can safely say that this is the main type of "food" for such people. Complaining helps them gain the attention and focus of others. This allows them to feel their own importance.

Moreover, all the actions of such a person are reduced only to the fact that he complains and cries. He never asks for help from others and does not take any steps to correct the current situation, which, he claims, poisons his life.

Objective: find the culprit

The goal of the chronic victim is to find those responsible for their troubles.... Such a person seeks to attribute to them all possible defects and vices that can only be imagined.

For example, they are often convinced that the actions of others are driven by selfishness and a desire to cash in on someone else's, using other people for their own purposes.

At the same time, a person suffering from victim syndrome does not realize that in fact all these thoughts feed his negative emotions. He cannot admit that in reality he is satisfied with this situation, although he is trying to prove the opposite with his complaints.

Lack of self-criticism

Obviously, taking into account the above, we can safely say that chronic victims are incapable of self-criticism... They believe that only those around them have weaknesses and shortcomings, their own character seems to them ideal.

Such people do not see flaws in their own personality. They are sure that all the negativity comes from others, and it is not in their power to change this. And they themselves are just unfortunate victims of the harsh reality and actions of other people, which cannot be influenced in any way.

Manipulation and emotional blackmail

Chronic victims tend to be highly manipulative. They know how to achieve their goals and understand perfectly well that complaints and the image of an unfortunate victim of circumstances can melt even the most severe human heart. And this gives them a head start in any situation.

To protect yourself from such people it is very important to understand where exactly the manipulation begins and.

Remember that their goal is to show themselves as an unfortunate victim and to create self-pity. They are fueled by pessimism, complaints and negative emotions. Blaming others for their unhappiness makes them feel important and exceptional.

It is very important to be able to put up internal barriers that will protect you from such people. by preventing them from infecting you with negativity and manipulating your emotions. Communication with toxic people should not be allowed to affect your mood and well-being. Therefore, exclude such people from your social circle. If possible, do so as soon as possible.

How can you allow your happiness to be overshadowed by the constant baseless complaints of a pessimist who is unable to objectively perceive reality?

Instructions

Quite often there are people who seek to control the actions of the people around them. For an external observer, behavior can manifest itself both in a total desire to help everyone and everything, to do everything for others, in an unwillingness and inability to perform duties to subordinates, and take the form of persistent interference with attempts to control it, to be in the center of events. It is often said about such people: "He pokes his nose into other matters." The roots of this behavior lie in the characteristics of the character and individual personality that appear in the process of social interaction. Self-doubt, which manifests itself as distrust of other people and becomes a source of constant self-assertion through the desire to be in the center of events, is the likely problem that needs to be solved in order to stop worrying about everything.

Another constant experience is often reduced not to an external manifestation, but to internal state person. Such a person cannot stop worrying about everything that happens to him. He has unfamiliar situations and non-standard solutions. He is influenced by someone else's opinion. He is constantly that people evaluate him, even in those situations when such an assessment is not expected at all. He is unstable, depending on the opinions of others. The root of this behavior, again, is a lack of self-confidence.

Surprisingly, in both situations described with such different social manifestations, the root of eternal experiences is a person's own insecurity in himself and his powers. It is with this quality of character that all those who want to finally stop worrying about everything and learn to see the world from a position of confidence and calmness have to work with it.

Sources:

• how can i stop worrying

Each of us had to experience. Most often, the reasons for such emotions are insecurity or dissatisfaction with oneself or a certain situation. Cope with yourself and stop worrying in vain is actually not that difficult.

Instructions

Experiences are a natural reaction of the human psyche to ongoing events. However, excessive sensitivity and inability to stop in time can lead to stress and nervous breakdowns. Therefore, the main thing is to learn how to maintain a reasonable balance over trifles.
Everyone can stop worrying, for this you need to learn to control your thoughts and be able to soberly assess the real significance of what is happening. Learn to notice the feeling of arising anxiety at the very beginning, soberly analyze it, exclude all inessential and add positive attitudes.

To stop worrying in vain, first of all you need to try to soberly assess the reason itself and its possible consequences... Imagine the worst that can happen because of your mistake (real or perceived) and "try on" the resulting situation. This will help the psyche to get rid of experiences, since the brain will consider the "terrible" events have already taken place, that is, "waste" material.

We work at the computer all week, and then we go to night club to release the accumulated emotions. But this is not rest, but a change in the type of activity. Waste energy again. When resources are completely depleted, we, finding no other way out ... withdraw into ourselves.

Over time, this form of self-defense can become so pleasant that we resort to it more and more often, we go into a fantasy world where we feel safe. And now we are constantly living where we are understood and accepted as we are - in ourselves.

The best sedative

It is important for every person to be understood. Retreating into ourselves, we find such a partner and friend - we ourselves become them. This person does not need to explain anything, he likes all our thoughts, tastes, views. He will not criticize us. Withdrawing into oneself is nothing more than filling the deficit of attention, understanding and love. And the danger is that this deficit imperceptibly develops into a strong psychological defense.

Physically, you are present, live, do whatever is required of you, at home and at work, but internally you withdraw and close. Communication with outside world becomes minimal, the only person who does not cause irritation and does not force you to hide and defend yourself, you become yourself.

When the temporary becomes permanent

We all need to recharge and rest from time to time. But when the pace of life accelerates, we are forced to rest even while working and communicating with our family. So we go into the automatic mode, there is a feeling that we are simultaneously here and not here.

Imperceptibly, our whole life turns into a beautiful dream in which there is no point in expressing feelings, achieving something, fighting for something

Our detachment is especially noticeable to those close to us, it is more and more difficult for them to communicate with us, it seems that we have become indifferent, detached, closed, we do not hear anyone and are not interested in anything. At the same time, we ourselves feel incredible inner comfort: we feel good, calm, we have nothing to strive for and nothing to prove. This is how addiction and dependence on communication with oneself occurs.

The less success in the outside world, the more we withdraw into ourselves

We do not feel lonely, because we have already become for ourselves those who are able to understand, support, share all painful experiences and show feelings. So over time, we stop opening up at work and in the family, our strength melts away, and energy resources are not replenished. And as resources are depleted, communication with the outside world diminishes.

And by that time there are enough reasons for this. For example, lack of money, health problems, family problems - there are so many things that you are forced to live in a mode of saving energy and emotions. And we do not notice how the whole life turns into a beautiful dream, in which there is no longer any point in showing feelings, achieving something, fighting for something. As if we already understood everything about this world and decided to leave for a more beautiful one, where there are no problems. In your inner life, you become what you have always dreamed of being: loved, in demand, talented.

Living emotions and feelings in virtual life, we stop doing it outside, because of this reality becomes less and less attractive

There are situations when you need to withdraw into yourself in order to recover from severe stress, intense work and other overload. If this is a short-term "withdrawal", then everything is in order. But often this condition turns into a habit, into a way of life. We replace any action with an escape into ourselves. Instead of moving forward, developing, we drive ourselves into a corner of loneliness and unfulfillment. Sooner or later, this "seclusion" leads to a breakdown. A person turns into a neurotic personality, everything annoys him, even small life trials he goes through with great efforts.

What to do?

1. Reduce the time you spend on the Internet and watching TV. Living emotions and feelings in virtual life, we stop doing it outside, because of this reality becomes less and less attractive. We must not forget about the need to be here and now, in the real world.

2. Replace communication with yourself for communication and interaction with others. Meet with friends, talk about something real and really important, try to get out of closed mode in any way. Closure is the overlap of energy exchange with others and with the world in general. You react only to your own experiences and at the same time are deaf to the experiences of others.

Sooner or later, your friends will get used to the fact that you are not there, and you, too, will receive less and less attention and love from their side.

Sooner or later, your friends will get used to the fact that you are not there, and you, too, will receive less and less attention and love from their side. But we replenish our energy resources through communication as well. And it is not always needed for this a certain person or time, enough to go outside, visit public places, sometimes even non-verbal communication helps to "recharge". Go to a concert, to a theater, go on a trip - you can even travel around your city.

3. Increase and maintain interest in your life. Often we withdraw into ourselves only because at some point we have become disillusioned with life and people. Everything that surrounds us no longer seems exciting and interesting to us, we become skeptics. We all know that nothing will surprise us. Such thoughts make you go deep inside yourself, indulge in self-examination. But life is full of discoveries, you just need to decide on changes: in yourself, in your routine, environment, interests and habits.

Start doing what you did not dare to do before, but which you have dreamed of for a long time. Translate your thoughts and desires into active action. The main rule of any change is to act.

4. Take care of yourself and your body. To return to real life, first of all, you need to restore the connection between the body and mind. When we withdraw into ourselves, physically we are inactive. Therefore, in reality they are inactive, our entire path is the road from the car to the office chair and back. It is through the body that we feel reality, we feel what is happening to us now, at the moment.

Most easy way get yourself in motion - spring cleaning. Get organized. You don't need to special training... You just need to get up and start. If it's really hard for you, take on just one room or just clean the bathroom sink. When people withdraw into themselves, they take less care of their home and themselves. Start cooking only healthy food for yourself, look for new recipes. Be sure to go to gym or a group workout to physically interact with others. This will help you not to get stuck in yourself, to switch to the outside world.

Let other people, feelings, impressions into your world. Believe in yourself and be persistent. Open yourself to this world, and it will become even more interesting and more beautiful, because you have joined it.

about the author

Trainer, psychologist, psychoanalyst. Her site.