System-vector psychology. Does the child need kindergarten?

Everywhere you can hear how the parents of a little 3-year-old man are wondering: “Does he need kindergarten? After all, mom can not go to work for a couple of years and sit at home with him, which will give him more development than some other aunt-educator. And they make a fatal mistake, which can affect the entire subsequent life of an adult. With their own hands, they make a social non-adapter out of their child.

Read this article and you will get answers to the following questions:

• Should my child be sent to kindergarten? Why is it important?
  
• Why do children not want to go to kindergarten? Why do children often get sick, cry, resist not to go to kindergarten?
• Where does a person get social phobia? How do non-adaptives grow up? Who doesn't love being around people?
  
• What is the most important thing in kindergarten? What is the criterion for choosing a kindergarten?
  
• What should be a kindergarten teacher? By what criteria how to choose a kindergarten ?
• Which is better - a private kindergarten or a public one? And is there any difference between them at all?
• Is it possible to replace a real kindergarten with electronic kindergarten or socializing at home?
  
• Why should a child communicate with as many children as possible?
  

Of course, any parent does not want harm to their child. Everyone wants to raise their children to be absolutely normal, successful, good people. So that they have everything (in the sense of material things) and that they succeed in everything (in the sense of relationships with people). And every parent always asks himself the question: am I giving enough to my child? Unfortunately, we usually only count:

And we completely forget that a person is a social being, so even if he has everything and knows everything, without the ability to communicate normally, adequately with other people, he will be deeply unhappy all his life.

Parents bring their child to kindergarten and, of course, they see that the child does not like it. Until the age of 3, he communicated in a small circle, his mother or grandmother was always near him, and now he is forcibly pushed into an unfamiliar large group of children. Although we do not see it from the height of our age, a group of children is often negatively disposed towards newcomers. Children, like little animals, not limited by culture, act as they please. The strong take toys from the weak, the girls manipulate the boys, nothing prevents them from hitting their offender on the ear. And it is natural that your baby will be upset if he is thrown into the kagal of this enemy camp (the exception is children who have an oral vector, they always go to kindergarten with pleasure, but they are less than 5%, everyone else, as a rule, perceive kindergarten, as the tragedy of his whole little life).

That is why the child is trying with all his might to avoid kindergarten. Different children show this in different ways. Some of them throw tantrums and burst into tears, resist when they are dragged there. The second - complain that they are offended, and tell sentimental stories about unfair children. Still others silently endure such a misfortune, but the teacher says that after the mother leaves, they simply hide in a corner, do not communicate with anyone until the evening. Fourth - they begin to get sick completely unjustifiably.

Absolutely every mother, in any of the situations described above, feels sorry for her child. And she sees a way out of this situation - not to send the child to kindergarten, but to take up his upbringing on her own, at home. It seems to her that she can give him much more, and care and care will be an order of magnitude higher. So it is so, only the problem is that someday this child will still have to go out into society, communicate with people.

Then he will go to school, later to college, and then to work. Can you take care of him for the rest of your life? Can you tell him: "Don't go there, stay at home, we'll sit together and bake gingerbread!"? No, he will have to go through life on his own.

And just like at the age of 3, there is a high probability that the group he will join will be set up for him ... well, let's just say, not very friendly. Yes, life is cruel - we encounter different people and many of them are plotting evil against us. For example, at school, someone brings drugs and suggests that they should be bought and tried. At the institute - they offer to skip couples, and then learn everything in one night before the exam. And at work… the career ladder in general can often lead people to different sides of the barricades, leading to scandals and other negative consequences. And we are not talking about tougher situations in life, such as the army, getting into the police, even undeserved (especially undeserved), meeting with a group of unpleasant comrades on a dark night in the gateway, etc. An adult needs to live in society, make decisions quickly, adequately respond to all situations, standard and non-standard. And these abilities are laid in kindergarten, in the communication of children with each other.

The fact is that at the age of 3, falling into the group of the same three-year-olds, we actually play adulthood. In the fuss of young children, we do not see that they are acting out adult scenarios. They associate with those who are pleasant to them and completely ignore the unpleasant ones. They can say "yes" if they like it, and a clear "no" if they're completely against it. Yes, it can come to a fight, but three-year-old children, as a rule, are not capable of inflicting any serious injuries on each other. Well, they will fight, well, there will be many tears and even abrasions. But having lost this situation, they will know how to behave in the future. They will forget the fight, but they will remember the aftermath. Children learn to negotiate, communicate, interact with other children. If the child is weak, he will feel that he himself will not survive in a small community and will try to make friends with a stronger one who will protect him. If the child is strong, he will quickly take away toys from others, but he will immediately notice that the team does not like him and it is not good to misbehave. All future life situations, all insults, all anger and injustice, everything will be “lived through”, lost in childhood.

A child who has studied in kindergarten comes to school at the age of 6 as a fully accomplished little man. His communication skills with children, which he received from 3 to 6 years old, are enough to exist in any group. In the future, it will be completely adequate. On a subconscious level, he will choose good and good people as friends and shun bad and evil people. Whoever he becomes, wherever he is - you, his parents, can be completely sure that he is socially adapted.

What happens to children who are pitied and not sent to kindergarten? Until the age of 6, they are left alone with their parents, grandparents, hired nannies or governesses. Maybe they have brothers or sisters, but they are of a different age, and between a three-year-old and a five-year-old child, the same abyss as between a 20-year-old and a 50-year-old person. Are they both interested? Of course not. Adults can communicate with such a domestic child in different ways - they can discipline, or they can look into their mouths with delight. But it doesn't matter. A child quickly learns to manipulate adults, he will be able to do this for the rest of his life, but he will not adequately communicate in society. So it turns out that a good 15-year-old boy who has been playing the violin since the age of 3, learned to read, count and write with his mother at the age of 5, suddenly becomes a drug addict. He disappears from home, he associates with bad people, he cannot find himself in society.

Do you feel sorry for him now? Think about it at the moment when you regret sending your child to kindergarten

Attention! Who is the educator?

It is clear that children should be sent to kindergarten not so much for studying, but for communicating with peers. But, nevertheless, children still receive knowledge from adults. They communicate with both the teacher and the nannies, and those, although small, still have an impact on the child.
Before you send your child to kindergarten, talk to the teacher. You should not at all expect that because she works in this institution, she is necessarily good. As the realities of the modern world show, this is not at all the case.

Pay attention to these details:

In no case should the teacher yell at the children, under any pretext that they do not. If she screams, this is an indicator of her imbalance, which means she will only harm the children;
the temperament of the teacher should at least slightly coincide with the temperament of your child. If the child is fast and active, the teacher should also be happy to work with the children tirelessly. If the child likes to sit more, do something with his hands, it is worth finding a group where the teacher does not drive the children in the neck and rushes them, but can appreciate the diligence of your child;
the duties of the educator, among other things, include introducing your child to the team, finding a suitable occupation for him. If the teacher says that your child is sitting and doing nothing, or, for example, yelling incessantly, this is the fault of the teacher, but not a reason to cancel kindergarten.

And further…

Children should go to the group only with their peers. If your child is three years old, he should communicate with equal in age, that is, three-year-olds. Today there are new kindergartens, where the unification of children is promoted not by age, but by temperament or hobbies. So, children and 3 and 5 years old are brought together, giving them the opportunity to do the same thing. This approach is fundamentally wrong.
Don't be deceived into thinking that an expensive daycare and a newfangled approach is best for the child. Remember, the main thing is that a child between the ages of 3 and 6 should be among his peers. This will be enough for him to grow up as an absolutely adapted person to society.