Customs at the commemoration on the anniversary of death. Days of special commemoration of the departed

NSWhy do people die?

- “God did not create death and does not rejoice in the destruction of the living, for He created everything for being” (Prem. 1: 13-14). Death appeared as a result of the fall of the first people. "Righteousness is immortal, but unrighteousness causes death: the wicked attracted her with both hands and words, considered her a friend and wasted away, and entered into an alliance with her, for they are worthy to be her lot" (Wis. 1: 15-16).

To understand the question of mortality, it is necessary to distinguish between spiritual and physical death. Spiritual death is the separation of the soul from God, Who for the soul is the Source of eternal joyful existence. This death is the most terrible consequence of the fall of man. A person gets rid of it in Baptism.

However, bodily death after Baptism, although it remains in a person, takes on a different meaning. From a punishment, it becomes a door to heaven (for people who were not only baptized, but also lived in a godly manner) and it is already called "dormition."

What happens to the soul after death?

According to the Church Tradition, based on the words of Christ, the souls of the righteous are held by angels on the threshold of Paradise, where they remain until the Last Judgment, waiting for eternal bliss: “The beggar died and was carried by the angels into the bosom of Abraham” (Luke 16:22). The souls of sinners fall into the hands of demons and are “in hell, in torment” (see Luke 16:23). The final division into the saved and the condemned will take place at the Last Judgment, when “many who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake, some for eternal life, others for eternal reproach and shame” (Dan. 12: 2). In the parable of the Last Judgment, Christ speaks in detail that sinners who have not done deeds of mercy will be condemned, and the righteous who have done such deeds will be justified: “And these will go into eternal torment, and the righteous into eternal life” (Matt. 25 : 46).

What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after the death of a person mean? What should be done these days?

Holy Tradition preaches to us the gospel from the words of the holy ascetics of faith and piety about the mystery of testing the soul after it has been detached from the body. For the first two days, the soul of a deceased person is still on earth and, with an accompanying Angel, walks to those places that attract her with the remembrance of earthly joys and sorrows, good deeds and evil. This is how the soul spends the first two days, on the third day the Lord, in the image of His three-day Resurrection, commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. On this day, the church commemoration of the soul of the deceased, presented before God, is timely.

Then the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their unspeakable beauty. The soul remains in this state for six days - from the third to the ninth. On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present their souls to Him for worship. The soul awaits with fear and trembling before the Throne of the Most High. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the Merciful Judge for the restoration of the soul of the departed with the saints.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and she contemplates the cruel torments of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day after death, the soul ascends for the third time to the Throne of God. Now her fate is being decided - she is assigned a certain place, which she was awarded for her deeds. Therefore, church prayers and commemorations on this day are so timely. They ask for the forgiveness of sins and the establishment of the soul of the deceased in paradise with the saints. On these days, the Church celebrates requiems and litias.

The Church commemorates the deceased on the 3rd day after his death in honor of the three-day Resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image Holy Trinity... Commemoration on the 9th day is performed in honor of the nine ranks of the angels, who, as servants of the Heavenly King and intercessors to Him, intercede for mercy on the departed. The commemoration on the 40th day, according to the legend of the apostles, is based on the forty-day lamentation of the Israelites about the death of Moses. In addition, it is known that the forty-day period is very significant in the history and Tradition of the Church as the time required for preparation, acceptance of a special Divine gift, for receiving the grace-filled help of the Heavenly Father. Thus, the prophet Moses was honored to converse with God on Mount Sinai and receive from Him the tablets of the Law only after forty days of fasting. The prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb in forty days. The Israelites reached the Promised Land after a forty-year wilderness journey. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His Resurrection. Taking all this as a foundation, the Church established to commemorate the departed on the 40th day after their death, so that the soul of the departed ascended to the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, was rewarded with the sight of God, attained the blessedness promised to her, and settled in heavenly villages with the righteous.

On all these days, it is very important to order the commemoration of the deceased in the Church, submitting notes for the commemoration at the Liturgy and funeral service.

What soul does not go through the ordeal after death?

It is known from the Holy Tradition that even Mother of God, having received a notification from the Archangel Gabriel about the approaching hour of Her relocation to heaven, prostrating herself before the Lord, she humbly pleaded with Him that, at the hour of the departure of Her soul, She would not see the prince of darkness and hellish horrors, but that the Lord Himself would accept Her soul into His Divine embrace. It is all the more useful for a sinful human race to think not about who does not go through ordeals, but about how to go through them, and do everything to cleanse the conscience, correct life according to the commandments of God. “The essence of everything: fear God and keep His commandments, because this is everything for man; for God will bring every work to judgment, and everything secret, whether good or bad ”(Eccl. 12: 13-14).

What is the concept of paradise?

Paradise is not so much a place as a state of mind; just as hell is suffering resulting from the impossibility of love and nonparticipation in the Divine light, so heaven is the bliss of the soul, arising from an excess of love and light, to which the one who is united with Christ fully and completely participates. This is not contradicted by the fact that paradise is described as a place with various "abodes" and "palaces"; all descriptions of paradise are only attempts to express in human language that which is inexpressible and surpasses the human mind.

In the Bible, “paradise” is the name of the garden where God placed man; the same word in the ancient church tradition was called the future bliss of people redeemed and saved by Christ. It is also called the "Kingdom of Heaven", "the life of the age to come," "the eighth day," "new heaven," "heavenly Jerusalem." The Holy Apostle John the Theologian says: “And I saw a new heaven and new land, for the former heaven and the former earth have passed, and the sea is no longer there. Eiah John saw the holy city of Jerusalem, new, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven, saying: Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them; they will be His people, and God Himself will be with them their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more; there will be no more crying, no outcry, no sickness, for the former has passed away. And He who sat on the throne said: Behold, I create everything new ... I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end; to the thirsty I will give a gift from the fountain of living water ... And (the angel) lifted me up in spirit to the great high mountain, and showed me the great city, holy Jerusalem, which descended from heaven from God. He has the glory of God ... But I did not see a temple in him, for the Lord God Almighty is his temple, and the Lamb. And the city does not need either the sun or the moon to illuminate its own; for the glory of God illuminated him, and his lamp is the Lamb. The saved nations will walk in his light ... And nothing unclean will enter into him, and no one who is devoted to abomination and lies, but only those that are written by the Lamb in the book of life ”(Apoc. 21: 1-6,10,22-24,27 ). This is the earliest description of paradise in Christian literature.

When reading the descriptions of paradise found in theological literature, it must be borne in mind that many Church Fathers talk about the paradise that they saw, in which they were caught up by the power of the Holy Spirit. In all descriptions of paradise, it is emphasized that earthly words can only to a small extent depict heavenly beauty, since it is "unspeakable" and surpasses human comprehension. It also speaks of the "many abodes" of paradise (John 14: 2), that is, of different degrees of bliss. “Some (God) will honor with greater honors, others with lesser,” says St. Basil the Great, “because“ star differs from star in glory ”(1 Cor. 15:41). And since the Father has many abodes, he will rest some in a more excellent and higher state, and others in a lower state. " However, for everyone, his "abode" will be the highest available to him fullness of bliss - in accordance with how close he is to God in earthly life. “All the saints who are in paradise will see and know one another, and Christ will see and fill everyone,” says the Monk Simeon the New Theologian.

What concept of hell do you need to have?

There is no man without the love of God, and there is no place that is not part of this love; however, anyone who has made a choice in favor of evil voluntarily deprives himself of God's mercy. Love, which for the righteous in paradise is a source of bliss and consolation, for sinners in hell becomes a source of torment, since they recognize themselves as not partakers of love. In the words of Saint Isaac, "the torment of hell is repentance."

According to the teachings of the Monk Simeon the New Theologian, the main reason torment of man in hell is an acute feeling of separation from God: “None of the people who believe in You, Master,” writes the Monk Simeon, “none of those baptized in Your name will endure this great and terrible burden of separation from You, Merciful, therefore that this is a terrible grief, unbearable, terrible and eternal grief. " If on earth, says the Monk Simeon, those who do not partake of God have bodily pleasures, then there, outside the body, they will experience one incessant torment. And all the images of hellish torment that exist in world literature - fire, cold, thirst, red-hot furnaces, lakes of fire, etc. - are only symbols of the suffering that comes from the fact that a person feels that he does not partake of God.

For Orthodox Christian the thought of hell and eternal torment is inextricably linked with the secret that is revealed in the divine services of Holy Week and Easter - the secret of Christ's descent into hell and the deliverance of those who are there from the dominion of evil and death. The Church believes that after His death Christ descended into hellish abysses in order to abolish hell and death, to destroy the terrible kingdom of the devil. As having entered the waters of the Jordan at the moment of His Baptism, Christ sanctifies these waters, filled with human sin, so when He descends into hell, He illuminates it with the light of His presence to the last depths and limits, so that hell can no longer tolerate the power of God and perishes. St. John Chrysostom says in his Passover catechism: “Hell was grieved when it met You down; grieved because he was abolished; grieved because he was ridiculed; grieved because he was put to death; grieved because he was deposed. " This does not mean that hell no longer exists after the Resurrection of Christ: it exists, but the death sentence has already been passed on it.

Every Sunday Orthodox Christians hear chants, dedicated to victory Christ over death: "The angelic cathedral was astonished, in vain it was imputed to you in the dead, but the mortal one, Savior, ruined the fortress ... and all freedom from hell" (liberated everyone from hell). Deliverance from hell, however, should not be understood as some kind of magical action performed by Christ against the will of man: for one who consciously rejects Christ and eternal life, hell continues to exist as suffering and the torment of being forsaken by God.

How to withstand grief at the death of a loved one?

The grief of separation from the deceased can only be satisfied by prayer for him. Christianity does not take death as the end. Death is the beginning of a new life, and earthly life is just preparation for it. Man was created for eternity; in paradise, he fed on the "tree of life" (Gen. 2: 9) and was immortal. But after the Fall, the path to the tree of life was blocked and man became mortal and perishable.

But life does not end with death, the death of the body is not the death of the soul, the soul is immortal. Therefore, it is necessary to see off the soul of the deceased with prayer. “Do not betray your heart to sorrow; distance her from you, remembering the end. Do not forget about this, for there is no return; and you will not benefit him, but you will harm yourself ... With the repose of the deceased, calm down the memory of him, and you will be comforted about him at the departure of his soul ”(Sir 38: 20-21,23).

What to do if, after the death of a loved one, the conscience torments him about the wrong attitude towards him during his lifetime?

The voice of conscience denouncing guilt fades and stops after sincere heartfelt repentance and confession before God to the priest of his sinfulness towards the deceased. It is important to remember that with God everyone is alive and the commandment of love applies to the departed. The dead are in great need of the prayerful help of the living and alms given for them. The lover will pray, do alms, give church notes about the repose of the departed, strive to live God-pleasing, so that God would show His mercy for them.

If you constantly stay in active concern for others, do good to them, then not only peace will be established in the soul, but deep satisfaction and joy.

What to do if a deceased person is dreaming?

Do not pay attention to dreams. However, do not forget that forever alive soul the deceased feels a great need for constant prayer for her, because she herself can no longer do good deeds with which she would be able to propitiate God. Therefore, prayer in church and at home for deceased loved ones is the duty of every Orthodox Christian.

How many days do they mourn for the deceased?

There is a tradition of 40 days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day, the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will be until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intense prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to contribute to inner concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous everyday affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The inside is more important than the outside.

Who is the newly reposed and memorable one?

In the church tradition, a deceased person is called a newly departed person for forty days after death. The first day of death is considered, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day, the disciple ^ of the Church, by God (at the private judgment of the soul), determines her afterlife fate to the universal Last judgment prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25: 31-46).

A person is usually called memorable after forty days after death. Always memorable - the word "always" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed about. In memorial notes, they sometimes write "the ever-memorable (oops)" before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Do I need to be baptized in this case?

Farewell kissing of the deceased occurs after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss in a whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or touch the icon in his hands. At the same time, they are baptized on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral service?

After the funeral service for the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the church.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral service?

If he was baptized in the Orthodox Church, then you need to come to church and order a correspondence funeral service, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.

How to help the deceased?

It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased by making frequent prayers for him and giving alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.

Why is the commemoration of the departed performed?

Prayer for those who have passed from temporary life to eternal life is ancient tradition Church consecrated for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves the visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member, and it is the duty of those who remain on earth to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer makes the posthumous lot of a person easier. While a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death this possibility disappears, only the hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and private judgment, the soul is on the threshold of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how you lived your short earthly life. But much also depends on praying for the deceased. The lives of the saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous lot of sinners was alleviated - right up to their complete justification.

Can the dead be cremated?

Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society in soviet period... Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the departed, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for a different way of burying bodies - this is their surrender to the earth (see: Gen. 3:19; John 5:28; Matt. 27: 59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it with a special rite, stands in connection with the entire Christian worldview and with its very essence - the belief in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the ground is an image of the temporary lulling of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is therefore called the Church of the departed (and in the worldly - the deceased) before the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the departed instills and strengthens the Christian faith in the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-being.

The Gospel describes the rite of burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in washing His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and placing in the tomb (Matt. 27: 59-60; Mark 15:46; 16: 1; Luke 23:53 ; 24: 1; John 19: 39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.

Cremation may be permissible in exceptional cases when there is no way to bury the body of the deceased.

Is it true that on the 40th day, the commemoration of the deceased must be ordered in three churches at once, or in one, but successively three services?

Immediately after death, it is customary to order the magpie in the Church. This is a daily intensified commemoration of the newly departed during the first forty days - until the private judgment that determines the fate of the soul behind the coffin. After forty days, it is good to order an annual commemoration and then renew it every year. Long-term commemoration in monasteries can also be ordered. There is a pious custom - to order commemoration in several monasteries and temples (their number does not matter). The more prayer books there are for the deceased, the better.

What is Eve?

Kanun (or Kanunnik) is a special square or rectangular table on which there is a Cross with a Crucifixion and holes for candles. Memorial services are served before the eve. Here you can put candles and food for the commemoration of the departed.

Why bring food to the temple?

Believers bring various products to the temple so that the servants of the Church remember the dead at a meal. These offerings serve as a donation, alms for those who have passed away. In the old days, in the courtyard of the house where the deceased was, on the most significant days for the soul (3rd, 9th, 40th), memorial tables were laid, at which they fed the poor, homeless, orphans, so that there were many prayer books for the deceased. For prayer, and especially for alms, many sins are forgiven, and the fate beyond the grave is eased. Then these commemorative tables began to be placed in churches on the days of the ecumenical commemoration of all Christians who have died from the age with the same purpose - to commemorate the departed.

What foods can I put on the eve?

There can be any products. It is forbidden to bring meat food to the temple.

What is the most important remembrance of the departed?

Prayers at the Liturgy are especially powerful. The church prays for all the dead, including those in hell. One of the kneeling prayers read on the feast of Pentecost contains a petition "for those who are held in hell" and that the Lord would rest them "in a brighter place." The Church believes that through the prayers of the living, God can alleviate the afterlife fate of the dead, delivering them from torment and honoring salvation with the saints.

Therefore, it is necessary in the coming days after death to order in the church the forty-mouth, that is, commemoration at forty Liturgies: forty times a Bloodless Sacrifice is offered for the deceased, a particle is taken out of the prosphora and immersed in the Blood of Christ with a prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the newly departed. This is a feat of love for the fullness of the Orthodox Church in the person of a priest who celebrates the Liturgy for the sake of people commemorated at the proskomedia. This is the most necessary thing that can be done for the soul of the deceased.

What is parenting Saturday?

On certain Saturdays of the year, the Church commemorates all formerly departed Christians. The memorial services that are performed on such days are called ecumenical, and the days themselves are called Ecumenical parental Saturdays. On the morning of parental Saturdays during the Liturgy, all formerly departed Christians are commemorated. On the eve of parental Saturday, on Friday evening, parastas is served (translated from the Greek "coming", "intercession", "intercession") - the following of the great funeral service for all deceased Orthodox Christians.

When are parental Saturdays?

Almost all parental Saturdays do not have a fixed date, but are associated with the rolling day of Easter. Meat Saturday is eight days before the beginning of Lent. Parental Saturdays are on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of Great Lent. Trinity parental Saturday - on the eve of the day of the Holy Trinity, on the ninth day after the Ascension. On the Saturday preceding the Day of Remembrance of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessaloniki (November 8, new style), there is Demetrius' parental Saturday.

Can you pray for repose after parental Saturday?

Yes, it is possible and necessary to pray for the repose of the dead even after parental Saturdays. It is the duty of the living to the departed and an expression of love for them. The deceased themselves can no longer help themselves, they cannot bear the fruits of repentance, they cannot do alms. This is evidenced by the Gospel parable of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16: 19-31). Death is not a withdrawal into oblivion, but the continuation of the existence of the soul in eternity, with all its features, weaknesses and passions. Therefore, the departed (except for the saints glorified by the Church) need prayerful remembrance.

Saturdays (except Great Saturday, Saturdays on Bright Week and Saturdays, coinciding with the twelve, great and temple holidays), in the church calendar, are traditionally considered days of special commemoration of the dead. But you can pray for the departed, you can submit notes in the church on any day of the year, even when, according to the Church's charter, funeral services are not served, in this case the names of the deceased are commemorated in the altar.

What other days of remembrance of the departed are there?

Radonitsa - nine days after Easter, on Tuesday after Bright Week. In Radonitsa, they share with the departed the joy of the Resurrection of the Lord, expressing hope for their resurrection. The Savior himself descended into hell to preach the victory over death and drained from there the souls of the Old Testament righteous. From this great spiritual joy, the day of this remembrance is called "rainbow", or "radonitsa".

Special commemoration of all the dead during the Great Patriotic War of 1941-1945. established by the Church on May 9. Soldiers killed on the battlefield are commemorated on the day of the Beheading of John the Baptist on September 11, according to a new style.

Do I have to go to the cemetery on the anniversary of the death of a close relative?

The main days of memory of the deceased are the anniversaries of death and namesake. On the anniversary of the death of the deceased, relatives close to him pray for him, expressing the belief that the day of a person's death is not a day of destruction, but of a new birth for eternal life; the day of the transition of the immortal human soul to other conditions of life, where there is no longer a place for earthly diseases, sorrows and sighs.

On this day, it is good to visit the cemetery, but first you should come to the temple at the beginning of the service, submit a note with the name of the deceased for commemoration in the altar (it is better if it is a commemoration at a proskomedia), at a memorial service and, if possible, pray during the service.

Do I have to go to the cemetery on Easter, Trinity, the Day of the Holy Spirit?

Sunday and holidays should be spent in prayer in the church of God, and for visiting the cemetery there are special days of commemoration of the dead - parental Saturdays, Radonitsa, as well as anniversaries of the death and days of the namesake of the dead.

What to do when visiting a cemetery?

Arriving at the cemetery, you need to clean up the grave. You can light a candle. If possible, invite a priest to perform the litiya. If this is not possible, then you can read a short rite of the lithium on your own, having previously purchased a corresponding brochure in a church or an Orthodox store. If you wish, you can read the akathist about the repose of the departed. Just keep quiet, remember the deceased.

Is it possible to arrange a "funeral" at the cemetery?

In addition to the kutia consecrated in the temple, there is nothing to eat or drink in the cemetery. It is especially unacceptable to pour vodka into the grave mound - this insults the memory of the deceased. The custom to leave a glass of vodka and a piece of bread on the grave “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed by the Orthodox. There is no need to leave food on the grave - it is better to give it to the beggar or the hungry.

What should be eaten at the "funeral"?

According to tradition, a memorial table is assembled after the burial. The memorial meal is a continuation of the divine service and prayer for the deceased. The funeral meal begins with eating the kutia brought from the temple. Kutia or kolivo are boiled grains of wheat or rice with honey. Pancakes and sweet jelly are also traditionally eaten. On a fast day, food should also be lean. A memorial meal should differ from a noisy feast in reverent silence and kind words about the deceased.

Unfortunately, a bad custom has taken root to commemorate the deceased with vodka and a hearty snack. The same thing is repeated on the ninth and fortieth days. This is wrong, since the newly departed soul these days longs for a special fervent prayer for her to God and certainly not for drinking wine.

Is it possible to put a photograph of the deceased on a grave cross?

The cemetery is a special place where the bodies of those who have passed into another life rest. A visible evidence of this is the tombstone, which is erected as a sign of the atoning victory of the Lord Jesus Christ over death. Just as the Savior of the world was resurrected, having accepted death on the cross for people, so all the dead will be bodily resurrected. People come to the cemetery to pray for them in this resting place of the departed. A photograph on a grave cross often invites more memory than prayer.

With the adoption of Christianity in Russia, the deceased were placed either in stone sarcophagi, and a cross was depicted on the lid, or in the ground. A cross was put on the grave. After 1917, when the destruction of Orthodox traditions took on a systematic character, posts with photographs were placed on the graves instead of crosses. Sometimes monuments were erected and a portrait of the deceased was attached to them. After the war, monuments with a star and a photograph began to prevail as tombstones. In the past decade and a half, crosses have increasingly begun to appear in cemeteries. The practice of placing photographs on crosses has survived from the past Soviet decades.

Can I bring my dog ​​with me when visiting the cemetery?

Of course, it's not worth taking a dog to a cemetery for a walk. But if necessary, for example, a guide dog for a blind person or for the purpose of guarding when visiting a remote cemetery, you can take it with you. The dog should not be allowed to run through the graves.

If a person died on Bright Week (from the day of Holy Easter to Saturday of Bright Week inclusive), then the Easter Canon is read. Instead of the Psalter on Bright Week, they read the Acts of the Holy Apostles.

Is it necessary to serve a requiem for the baby?

The dead babies are buried and funeral services are served on them, but in prayers they do not ask for forgiveness of sins, since babies do not have consciously committed sins, but ask the Lord to grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.

Is it possible to perform a funeral service in absentia for a person who died in the war, if the place of his burial is unknown?

If the deceased was baptized, then he can be sung in absentia, and the ground received after the absentee funeral can be sprinkled crosswise on any grave in an Orthodox cemetery.

The tradition of performing a funeral service in absentia appeared in the 20th century in Russia in connection with the large number of those who died in the war, and since it was often impossible to follow the funeral service over the body of the deceased due to the absence of temples and priests, because of the persecution of the Church and the persecution of believers. There are also cases of tragic death when it is impossible to find the body of the deceased. In such cases, an absentee funeral service is permissible.

Is it possible to order a requiem for an unrepentant buried deceased?

Memorial services can be ordered if the deceased was baptized an Orthodox person and not one of the suicides. The church does not commemorate the unbaptized and suicides.

If it became known that the deceased was not a funeral service according to the Orthodox rite, then he must be sung in absentia. In the funeral rite, in contrast to the requiem, the priest reads a special prayer for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased.

The funeral service and funeral service is important not only to "order", but to the relatives and friends of the deceased to take part in prayer.

Is it possible to service a suicide service and pray for his repose at home and in the temple?

In exceptional cases, after considering all the circumstances of the suicide by the ruling bishop of the diocese, the absentee funeral service may be blessed. For this, the relevant documents and a written request are submitted to the name of the ruling bishop, where, with special responsibility for their words, all known circumstances and reasons for the suicide are indicated. All cases are considered individually. With the permission of the absentee funeral service by the bishop, the temple prayer for the repose becomes possible.

In all cases, for the prayerful consolation of the relatives and friends of a person who has committed suicide, a special prayer rite has been developed, which can be performed whenever the relatives of a person who has committed suicide will turn to a priest for consolation in the grief that has befallen them.

In addition to performing this rite, relatives and friends can, with the blessing of the priest, read at home the prayer of the Venerable Elder Leo Optinsky: “Seek, O Lord, the lost soul of Thy servant (name): if it is possible, have mercy. Your destinies are invisible. Do not make this my prayer a sin, but Thy holy will be done ”and give alms.

Is it true that suicides are commemorated on Radonitsa? What if, believing this, they regularly submitted suicide memorial notes to the temple?

No, it’s not like that. If a person, out of ignorance, submitted notes on the commemoration of suicides (the funeral service for which was not blessed by the ruling bishop), then he must repent of this in confession and no longer do this. All doubtful questions should be resolved with the priest, and not believe the rumors.

Is it possible to order a memorial service for the deceased if he is a Catholic?

Private, private (home) prayer for a heterodox deceased is not prohibited - you can commemorate him at home, read psalms at the tomb. In churches, funerals are not performed and they do not commemorate those who have never belonged to the Orthodox Church: gentiles and everyone who died unbaptized. The rite of the funeral service and the funeral service was drawn up taking into account the fact that the deceased and the funeral service was a faithful member of the Orthodox Church.

Is it possible to submit notes in the church about the commemoration of the dead unbaptized?

Liturgical prayer is a prayer for the children of the Church. In the Orthodox Church, it is not customary to commemorate unbaptized, as well as heterodox Christians, at the proskomedia (preparatory part of the Liturgy). This, however, does not mean that they should not be prayed for at all. Private (home) prayer for such departed is possible. Christians believe that prayer can be of great help to the dead. True Orthodoxy breathes the spirit of love, mercy and condescension towards all people, including those outside the Orthodox Church.

The Church cannot commemorate the unbaptized for the reason that they lived and died outside the Church - they were not its members, were not revived to a new, spiritual life in the Sacrament of Baptism, did not confess the Lord Jesus Christ and cannot be part of the blessings that He promised to those who love Him.

Orthodox Christians pray at home about alleviating the fate of the souls of the dead who were not honored with Holy Baptism, and babies who died in the womb or during childbirth, and read the canon to the holy martyr U aru, who has the grace from God to intercede for the dead who were not honored with Holy Baptism. From the life of the holy martyr U ara it is known that by his intercession he delivered from eternal torment the relatives of the pious Cleopatra, who venerated him, who were pagans.

They say that those who died on Bright Week receive the Kingdom of Heaven. Is it so?

The posthumous fate of the dead is known only to the Lord. “Just as you do not know the ways of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you cannot know the work of God, who does everything” (Eccl. 11: 5). The one who lived piously, did good deeds, wore the cross, repented, confessed and received communion - he, by the grace of God, can be vouchsafed to a blessed life in eternity, regardless of the time of death. And if a person spent his whole life in sins, did not confess and did not receive communion, but died on Bright Week, can it be argued that he inherited the Kingdom of Heaven?

If a person died in a continuous week before Peter's Lent, does this mean anything?

Doesn't mean anything. Lord stops earthly life each person in due time, providentially caring for each soul.

“Do not hasten death by the errors of your life, and do not attract destruction to you by the works of your hands” (Wis. 1:12). "Do not indulge in sin, and do not be mad: why would you die at the wrong time?" (Eccl. 7:17).

Is it possible to get married in the year of the mother's death?

There is no special rule on this score. Let the religious and moral feeling itself tell you what to do. On all significant life issues, one should consult with a priest.

Why is it necessary to receive communion on the days of commemoration of relatives: on the ninth, fortieth days after death?

There is no such rule. But it will be good if the relatives of the deceased prepare themselves and partake of the Saints Mysteries of Christ, having repented, including in the sins related to the deceased, they will forgive him all offenses and themselves will ask for forgiveness.

Do I need to close the mirror if someone from my family has died?

Hanging mirrors in the house is a superstition, and has nothing to do with church traditions of burying the dead. Should you close the mirror if someone from your family has died?

The custom of hanging mirrors in a house where death occurs is partly derived from the belief that anyone who sees himself in the mirror of that house will soon die. There are many "mirror" superstitions, some of them are associated with divination on mirrors. And where there is magic and witchcraft, fear and superstition inevitably appear. A hung or an open mirror does not in any way affect the duration of life, which is entirely dependent on the Lord.

There is a belief that until the fortieth day nothing can be given from the belongings of the deceased. Is this true?

It is necessary to intercede for the defendant before the trial, and not after it. Therefore, it is necessary to intercede for the soul of the deceased immediately after his death until the fortieth day and after him: pray and perform deeds of mercy, distribute the things of the deceased, donate to the monastery, to the church. Before the onset of the Last Judgment, you can change the fate of the deceased by intense prayer for him and alms.

The Christian Church teaches us that the once created immortal man, due to the original sin of Adam and Eve, lost this greatest gift. Since then, he has become perishable and, having passed life path, released to him by the Lord, leaves the earthly world, taking with him the burden of sins committed, but not redeemed by repentance. Therefore, our prayers and rituals are extremely important for him to gain eternal peace. About how the deceased are commemorated on the anniversary of death (a year after death), and will be discussed in this article.

Commemorations of the deceased, preceding the anniversary of death

After a person's heart stopped beating and he appeared before the gates of eternity, the Orthodox Church prescribes his threefold commemoration. It takes place on the third, ninth and fortieth days after death. It is necessary to briefly mention them, because otherwise the story will be incomplete and how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death.

Commemoration of the deceased on the third day is performed to commemorate the three-day resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. It is generally accepted that the first two days after parting with the body, the soul, accompanied by the angels, still wanders around the places dear to her in earthly memories. On the third day, the angels take her to heaven to worship the Almighty. Thus, the day of the first standing before the Lord is the beginning of the memorial cycle, the end of which will be the anniversary of death. How to commemorate according to church custom on this still distant day will be described below.

The next rite is performed on the ninth day, symbolizing the nine ranks of the angels, interceding before the Lord for the repose of the soul of His deceased servant. The Church teaches that after the third day the soul leaves the earthly world and is carried by the angels to the heavenly abodes, which it contemplates for six days.

After that, she performs a second worship of the Lord and is plunged into hell, where she will have to stay until the fortieth day, continuously contemplating the torments endured by unrepentant sinners. And only after the blessedness of the righteous and the suffering of the wicked have been revealed to the soul, does it appear before the Almighty, who, according to earthly affairs, determines the place of its stay until the Last Judgment.

The third, ninth, and especially the fortieth day are just as important as the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased at these stages of his stay in the afterlife is a topic of special conversation, but we will turn to the rite performed a year after his death.

Daily prayer commemoration of the departed

Among Orthodox people From time immemorial, a pious custom has developed to commemorate in the church on the anniversary of the death of all those who have passed away, regardless of how many years have passed since that sad day. However, this does not eliminate the need at home during the morning and evening reading. prayer rule, but nowadays everything large quantity people comply with this ecclesiastical order, along with the texts contained in them, to say several prayers for the dead. You can find them on the pages of an ordinary Orthodox Prayer Book.

The time that has passed since the death of a person close to us dulls the pain of the loss suffered, but, despite this, it is necessary to remember how much memorial prayers are necessary for him beyond the threshold of eternity, especially on the day when the anniversary of death has come. How to remember the deceased in order to help his soul to be freed from the gravity of sins? Many church fathers wrote about this, gaining fame with their theological works.

Preliminary cleansing of your own soul

If we turn to their writings, then in most of them one can see how much importance the authors attach to the mental and physical purity of those who intend to alleviate the posthumous fate of people close to him with their prayers. In other words, before you start praying for the forgiveness of someone else's sins, you need to repent of your own. Everyone knows that the prayer of the righteous is more often heard than the requests of one who is mired in sin.

In addition, speaking about how to remember correctly on the anniversary of death, the holy fathers strongly recommend starting preparations for this. important business from office, even if only for a short time. One - a maximum of two days of abstinence from meager food - meat, fish and dairy products, will help, extortion of the carnal and sometimes sinful aspirations that are so inherent human nature, direct thoughts to the upcoming prayer communication with God. We draw your attention to the fact that fasting in this case is not a mandatory requirement, but is only recommended as a proven means of purifying your own soul and body.

This will help our prayers for the forgiveness of the sins of a loved one to be heard and find grace. The Church teaches that beyond the threshold of death it will be too late to repent of what they have done during life, and only those who remain on earth are able to pray to God to alleviate the fate of the deceased.

Continuing the conversation about how to properly commemorate the dead on the anniversary of death, one cannot but recall the custom of ordering a regular commemoration of the deceased for forty days in advance of this date in the church. This rite is called the magpie and originates from the first centuries of the establishment of Christianity in Russia. In this case, it serves as a preparatory stage to the main actions coming on the day of remembrance.

Where to start a church commemoration?

Despite the importance of home prayers, the main emphasis is still on the church service on the day of the anniversary of death. How to remember the deceased in the temple of God, you should ask the priest in advance, who will help you perform this rite in full accordance with the traditions of the Orthodox Church. We will focus only on some of the generally accepted rules.

Usually, before the beginning of the liturgy, a note with the name of the deceased is served for his commemoration in the altar. By the way, the names of other close people who have left this world in different time... All of them also need prayer support. In addition, on the day of the anniversary of death, as at any other time, it will be very appropriate to order a memorial service for the deceased.

What is a memorial service?

Since this funeral rite, which has long been accepted in Russian Orthodoxy, has special meaning, then continuing the conversation about how to remember the deceased on the anniversary of his death, it is worth dwelling on him in more detail. According to the rules set out in the Trebnik, a liturgical book regulating the procedure for performing the sacraments and other sacraments, the requiem can be held both in the church and in the house of the deceased, where the priest is invited for this purpose, as well as in the cemetery or in the place where life was cut short. a loved one. The funeral service is very similar in structure to the funeral service. The only difference is that in this case several prayers are excluded from it.

Kolivo, prosphora and alms are integral parts of the rite

In addition, in the Trebnik, indicating how the dead are commemorated on the anniversary of their death at home, in the cemetery and in the temple, it is ordered at the end of the church rite to put on the eve - a small rectangular table with a crucifix, where funeral candles usually burn - a dish filled with kutya - porridge made from whole wheat grains and poured with honey. According to church tradition, it is called a coliva. Leaving the church, you should take one or more prosphora with you and eat them at home on an empty stomach even before the commemoration meal begins.

Regardless of whether the memorial service was performed in the church, or the relatives of the deceased limited themselves to a modest domestic rite, it is highly recommended on this day, as on any other, to give alms to those whom the vicissitudes of life forced to seek food for themselves with outstretched hand. This humanly good deed is, moreover, the fulfillment of one of the main God's commandments, which prescribes love for neighbors and help to all who need it. It should be strictly observed throughout life, and not just on the day when someone's death anniversary comes.

How to remember a loved one in a cemetery?

Paying tribute to the memory of a loved one, it is also customary to visit his grave on the anniversary of his death. It is there that we most acutely feel the irreparable loss suffered. It is highly advisable a few days before, having come to the cemetery, to check whether the tombstone, cross and fence are in proper order. If something needs to be repaired or painted, then it should be done immediately, and in any case, cleaned. In the fall - sweep the fallen leaves from the grave, in the winter - remove the snow, and in the spring and summer it is advisable to plant live seedlings.

On the anniversary of death, you can visit the cemetery both before going to church and after it. In this case, there are no rigid attitudes, and everyone can do what is more convenient for him. The only exception can be those cases when the relatives of the deceased want a priest to serve a litiya at the grave. Usually, there are churches on the territories of cemeteries where you can apply with such a request, and it is better to do this in advance, since the priest may have other requirements for that day.

Ritual traditions governing the procedure for how to properly commemorate the dead on the anniversary of death allow all appropriate actions to be performed without the participation of a priest. In this case, one of those present, and among them, as a rule, are the closest relatives and friends of the deceased, can read the memorial prayers himself. They will be especially gracious if those present begin to do it one by one. The laying of natural or artificial flowers and wreaths is also an integral part of visiting the grave.

Memorial meals at the grave and at home

At the end of the reading of the prayers, the time comes for a short memorial meal, performed right at the grave. The tradition of the Orthodox Church prescribes to eat pancakes, jelly, and kutya on it, which was discussed above. You can also add fruits and homemade cakes to this simple menu.

Unfortunately, in the Soviet period, when the domination of atheistic ideology tore people away from the primordial church customs, standards that were completely alien to true piety were developed. One of them was the tradition of drinking alcoholic beverages at the grave, and often just getting drunk. We can say with complete confidence that this fundamentally contradicts church rules, and it doesn't matter if the grave is visited on an ordinary day or it is the anniversary of death.

On the same day, it is customary to commemorate the deceased at a home meal, to which relatives are invited, as well as those who knew and loved him during his lifetime. Often a priest is one of the participants in the feast. Sometimes for this purpose they rent a room in a cafe or restaurant. In order for the commemoration to take place in accordance with the established tradition, a number of simple rules should be followed, as set out below.

The beginning of a home meal, like the one that was served at the cemetery, must be preceded by the same memorial prayer for the deceased. If a priest is invited to the house, then he reads, if not, then one of the relatives or several people in turn. Prayer in this case is important both for the repose of the soul of the deceased, and for the mood of those present in a solemn manner corresponding to the given moment.

Features of the memorial table

It is quite natural that each hostess tries to set as rich a table as possible, abundant various dishes, and to please the tastes of all those present. However, it should be borne in mind that church calendar in addition to fast days, that is, those in which no restrictions are imposed on the list of foods to be eaten, it also provides for fasts, both one-day and multi-day.

Since the commemoration itself is part of the Orthodox tradition, the meal menu must also meet the requirements set by the church for the day on which the anniversary of death fell. How to remember the deceased with only lean treats is a question that each housewife decides independently.

It is important to consider that no matter how plentifully the table is served, the meal should begin with the traditional tasting of the same kutya. This custom has a very definite meaning. Wheat or any other grains from which it is prepared symbolize the resurrection of the soul, and honey poured on top is the pleasure that awaits the righteous in eternal life.

How to maintain a proper table setting

Another important point associated with a home meal is the correct choice of alcoholic beverages. If their use in a cemetery is inappropriate, as discussed above, then at a home table or in a restaurant it is permissible. However, in order not to darken the memory of a dear person and his death anniversary, remember the day of his death, taking into account the advice set out below. This will help avoid unpleasant situations that often arise as a result of excessive libation.

To be on the safe side, it is not recommended to put strong forty-degree drinks on the table. Better to give preference to church cahors or some light wines. At the same time, it is necessary to ensure that even their use does not go beyond the reasonable. Otherwise, the memorial meal can easily turn into an ordinary banquet, during which the memories of the deceased give way to laughter and fun, inappropriate in the given setting.

Scandals, abuse and showdown are extremely unacceptable at the memorial table. It is advisable that during the whole lunch only the deceased was talked about, various episodes from his life were recalled, and everything that he did good to people was told.

You can invite guests to view photos of the deceased in the house or a video on which he was captured. Even if the deceased was not always distinguished by dignified behavior, the bad on this day should be forgotten. Instead, it is appropriate to focus on all the good that he left behind.

Two more important questions

One should not lose sight of such a very essential question: what to do if the anniversary of death coincides with any of the major church holidays? How to remember - before or after, if on the day of the holiday itself, memorial prayers are not accepted (for example, on Easter)? In this case, the ceremony is postponed to the next weekend, or another convenient day. But even in this case, one should visit church, confess, receive communion, light a candle for the repose of the soul and give alms precisely on the anniversary of death.

There is another important problem that the anniversary of death (1 year) poses to the relatives of the deceased, when people have to be remembered unbaptized or non-believers, or even suicides. Is it possible to pray for them at all, and if this is permissible, then how to do it correctly?

The answer can be found in the epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Colossians, where he says that for Christ “there is no Greek, no Jew, no barbarian, no Scythian ...”, and all are equal for the coming Kingdom of God. Therefore, it is possible and necessary to pray for all people, since for each deceased an important stage in his stay in the afterlife is the anniversary of death. Remember sooner or later - it depends on the calendar date, as discussed above.

The only thing that should be taken into account is the established rule to submit memorial notes to the church only with the names of those who underwent the rite of baptism during their lifetime and did not burden themselves with the sin of suicide. For all others, you need to pray for yourself, in the church and at home, in the cemetery, as well as in the place where death cut short the days of their lives. It is necessary to ask the Lord to grant remission of the sins they have committed and to rest souls in the Kingdom of Heaven.

A commemoration is an action that is performed with the aim of honoring the memory of a deceased person. The core of the commemoration is a common meal, which is arranged by relatives in the house of the deceased, in the cemetery or elsewhere.

The commemoration is held several times:

• on the day of death of a relative or the next day;
• on the third day after death - the soul of the deceased leaves this world and ascends to heaven (as a rule, this day coincides with the day of the funeral);
• on the ninth day;
• on the fortieth day;
• further, memorial meals are made in six months from the date of death, and then all subsequent anniversaries.

As a rule, the family members of the deceased and his friends take part in the commemoration. For example, you can come to the commemoration of the ninth day without an invitation. Those who want to take part in this ritual cannot be chased away. But it is important to remember that commemorations are not organized for the sake of those invited, and the laid table is not their main component. People do not come to them in order to take off from themselves negative emotions, stress, and even more so not for the sake of chatting on abstract topics. The main thing at a commemoration is a prayer for the deceased. It is very good to read the 17th Kathisma from the Psalter before starting your meal. And before eating, everyone should read the prayer "Our Father".

Postponing the date of commemoration

It often happens that the days of remembrance fall either on a weekday, when it is impossible to leave work in order to prepare everything for them, or on some religious holiday. In this regard, the question arises as to whether it is possible to postpone the date of the obligatory commemoration, to do them either earlier or later.

The clergy believe that it is not at all necessary to arrange a memorial meal on the anniversary of death. If there are objective reasons that prevent this from being done, then you need to focus primarily on them.

It is undesirable to commemorate the dead during the week Happy Easter and also during the Holy Week of Great Lent. At this time, all thoughts should be directed: in Holy Week - to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, to Easter week- to the joy of the news of his resurrection. So, if the date of the commemoration falls within these periods, it would be most correct to transfer them to Radonitsa - the day of commemoration of the dead.

If the date of the commemoration falls on Christmas Eve, then it would be better to postpone them to January 8th. It even counts good sign, since the commemoration is essentially dedicated to the fact of birth already in eternal life.

The clergy also advise not to forget the fact that our deceased relatives are primarily interested in prayer for them. Therefore, it is recommended to order the Liturgy for the repose of the soul of the deceased and the Panikhida on the Day of his remembrance the day before the commemoration. It is advisable to pray for the deceased. And the commemoration itself can be postponed to the next day off after the anniversary of death. But to postpone the date of the commemoration on the fortieth day for more early date in Orthodoxy is not recommended.

Memorial Day

In different religions, there are certain days when you can remember your dead. If for some reason it was not possible to remember your loved ones at the right time, you can always do this on the day of remembrance, the date of which is different in different religions:

1. In Orthodoxy, as mentioned above, this is Radonitsa - Tuesday of the second week after Easter. It should be noted that this is not the only day of remembrance in Orthodoxy. In addition to Radonitsa, there are five more similar dates.
2. In Catholicism, the Day of the Dead falls on November 2. Wake on the third, seventh and thirtieth days after death is considered optional.
3. In Islam, no matter what the day is, you need to remember the deceased. The main thing is to remember him by prayer and, together with his family, to do good deeds on his behalf - to give alms, take care of orphans. But the main thing is that it remains a secret on whose behalf these actions are performed.
4. In Buddhism, the holiday of Ulambana is celebrated, which takes place in the seventh month from the first to the fifteenth day to Lunar calendar... Dedicated to the commemoration of the dead.

Almost everyone knows that their dead need to be remembered, but often people forget how and why this is done. The connection between the departed and those who remained on earth exists. Therefore, people whose relative died for a long time are in a state of sadness, anxiety, they have dreams about the dead, in which they most often ask for food or do something for them.

As a rule, after such dreams, there is a need to remember them, a need to visit a temple, a need to perform any good deeds (for example, to give alms). All this has a beneficial effect on the souls of the departed. The inability to hold the memorial ceremony day after day is not a problem, since you can always leave a note in the church and the priest will hold it for you.

Our spiritual condition affects the condition of the dead in the other world and in order to help them, you need to start changing yourself and your environment. You can get rid of bad habit, to forgive those for whom resentment has been accumulating for a very long time, to start reading the Bible.

Carrying out a commemoration ritual, it is always necessary to keep in mind its purpose - by making a joint prayer, ask the Lord to grant the deceased the Kingdom of Heaven and rest his soul.

Wake helps the soul go to heaven to heaven. In Orthodoxy, memorial words and prayers are a petition to God for the deceased before the final judgment. as a ritual Is a collective meal of family and friends in memory of the deceased.

How to properly hold a commemoration

They say that a person truly dies when loved ones and all those to whom he was once dear to him cease to be remembered. To preserve the bright memory of a person who left this world is a mission that must be accepted and carried despite the inexorably flowing time and events that divided life into “before” and “after” loss. Gratitude for the fact that a person lived next to us cannot be replaced with high-flown words at a funeral, which, alas, happens, over time, flow into rare memories of a once living person. To remember means to keep in memory the bright moments from the life of the departed, his good deeds and deeds.

What have we forgotten

Our wise ancestors invented hold a commemoration- a kind of set of rituals dedicated to the memory of a departed person. Centuries have passed, and this tradition has survived to this day, helping people to survive a grievous event, observing all the honors of the deceased in mourning. A hundred-year-old memorial service and a modern ritual are significantly different.

So, today not everyone goes to church to organize a memorial service for the deceased and consecrate dishes for a memorial meal, and even less often they go to the cemetery to the grave of the deceased person. Although each of these rituals is considered mandatory in commemoration and was performed by our grandparents, not only on days of mourning, but also years after the funeral. Another violation of age-old traditions at today's commemoration is the often tolerated use of alcohol. To remember a departed person with abundant libations is, to put it mildly, wrong. Hence the hop, inappropriate fun, and sometimes squabbles and impartial clarifications of relations between relatives. To understand at the commemoration who will get what from the property of the deceased is, without exaggeration, the highest manifestation of disrespect for a person who has just passed away. But, alas, life shows that such cases are not uncommon in our time. Remember the deceased with dignity Is our absolute duty.

Orthodox commemoration

Nevertheless, many Christian traditions are strictly observed by the majority. One of them is to hold the commemoration strictly. It is necessary to honor the memory of a person who has departed into the world of another person several times. The first commemoration, according to Christian traditions, is held in funeral day, that is on third day after death.
The next commemoration should fall on ninth day after the departure of a loved one. On this day, it is customary to gather, as a rule, in a narrow family circle, remember the deceased with only kind words and pray for the peace of his soul. Prayers at the commemoration of the believer, no matter what day they fall on, should always be said. If you and the audience do not know how properly hold an Orthodox commemoration, it is better to invite a clergyman or spiritual abbot to whom you turned to during other important life events - weddings, christenings. Prayer is nothing more than an appeal to God, therefore, at these moments, silence and peace should reign at the commemoration.
On 40-day commemoration, or fortieth, you should call everyone who knew the deceased well.

For information on how best to issue an invitation to a commemoration - see.

About commemoration through the mouth of clergy

Memorial meal: dishes and etiquette

A century-old tradition of commemoration- to set a memorial table for those gathered on this day. Food on Orthodox memorial services special, and prepare it in compliance with certain rules and traditions.
A memorial meal, organized in a cafeteria or cafe, is an acceptable option for those who want to save themselves the hassle on already difficult days. For those who want to cook treats at home, with your own hands and at the same time comply with all the rules of the memorial table, an article describing the main dishes and recipes - traditional and lean - will do a good job.

During the memorial meal, one should observe silence, do not speak loudly (we separately note that mobile phones should be switched to silent mode), do not laugh, and even more so, do not sort things out with any of the relatives. In case of incorrect behavior of other guests, it is permissible to pull them up, reminding rules of conduct at the commemoration... During these hours, the thoughts of the audience should be focused on one person who is not around now, but whose memory is still dear to them. You need to eat during the memorial meal slowly, be sure to try traditional dishes (kutya and pancakes), but at the same time observe moderation and not gorge yourself to the full, as if during a wedding feast.

How to seat guests

Regardless of, where the commemoration is held - at home or in banquet hall , - the audience is seated at the table in a certain order. The first to take their places are the most close relatives of the deceased- spouses, parents, siblings. They sit next to a place that is customarily left empty at all Orthodox commemorations as a tribute to the deceased. Further, the guests should sit down, observing the principle of kinship or seniority. An important point: a woman should sit next to a man, at the commemoration it is better to avoid the neighborhood of men next to each other. In this case, the spouses should be seated separately. Near the place, which was left empty, at the commemoration, sometimes they put a portrait of the deceased and a glass of vodka, on top of which they put a slice of black bread. This tradition is not accepted by everyone, considering that alcohol at the commemoration is not permissible according to Christian canons.

How to dress (dress code) at a commemoration

When going to a commemoration, it is important to think over your appearance and clothes, since the dress code is no less important than the preparation of dishes and the nuances of behavior at the memorial table. So, guests are not allowed to come in colorful and variegated clothes. For women, it is better to choose a closed dress of dark color to the knees, and tie a scarf (preferably in dark tones) on the head. Instead of a dress, you can put on a suit, but also a classic cut, without large necklines and open areas. For men, it is preferable to come in a dark suit, while the shirt may be slightly lighter than the jacket and trousers. If you take off your jacket, then a dark shirt and a lighter tie in a restrained color are also appropriate. When children are present at the commemoration, they should also be dressed in a calm, restrained style.

A trip to the cemetery

On the day of the commemoration, except for the meal itself, it is customary to visit the grave of the deceased. You can do it both before and after treats at the memorial table. Before going to the cemetery, you should take care of flowers and fresh wreaths. Flowers can be brought both in the form of bouquets and in the form of seedlings, if, for example, you want the grave to always be beautiful and well-groomed. If the cemetery rules do not restrict, then you can plant a tree on the grave, but not in a flower garden. Suitable for this conifers(spruce, pine, fir), symbolizing eternal life.
Next to the monument, you can leave ritual symbols or objects that were important to the deceased during his lifetime or could become so. This can be a fresh family photo, if the deceased never saw how his grandchildren were born, or a favorite soft toy, if fate separated you from a relative who passed away at a young age. Before leaving the cemetery, put things in order at the grave. Remove weeds, wipe a monument, or freshen the paint on a fence - this will strengthen the memory of the dear person and help relieve the burden of sadness, and maybe even guilt.

Memorial service for Muslims

Memorial traditions among Muslims have the same ancient roots as the Orthodox believers, but still there are great differences between them.
According to Muslim traditions, the deceased is buried as early as possible, since it is believed that until the body has found its last refuge, the human soul cannot ascend to heaven and is tormented by torment on Earth. The first Muslim commemoration is held on the day of the funeral... The deceased person is prepared for burial by performing ablutions and wrapping him up in a shroud. Only people with great authority are allowed to this ritual - as a rule, older people and the closest relatives. If a woman's funeral is coming, then only women are allowed to her at this time. If a man leaves this life, men come to ablution. Until the body is buried underground, there are always people next to it, because the deceased cannot be left alone - in this way, it is, as it were, protected. Before the procession moves towards the cemetery, they read over the deceased prayers from the Quran and this is usually done by a specially invited mullah.

Only men bury the deceased: according to Muslim traditions, women cannot be present at the burial. At the same time, the mullah reads prayers several times for the repose of the soul of a departed person and its speedy entry into heaven.

Memorial meal and haer

After the funeral, the first commemoration is held. They can be attended by everyone who came to support the family and friends of the deceased. A table is laid for the audience, but unlike Orthodox traditions, a Muslim memorial meal does not imply the preparation of any specific dishes. But still, for the commemoration of the Muslims it is customary to cook noodle soup, meat, boiled potatoes and cabbage, and serve sweets National dishes- bausak and chak-chak, as well as sweet pilaf from rice and dried fruits.

During the meal, it is customary to be quiet and listen to the prayers of the mullah. In the past, only men could sit at the memorial table, today women share the same meal with them... As a rule, children are not allowed to the funeral table.

Memorial etiquette

During the Muslim memorial meal, it is customary to distribute haer, or alms, on behalf of everyone present. Haer give to everyone who is sitting at the table. After each donation, which is performed in a circle, the mullah reads a prayer. As a donation at a Muslim commemoration, you can give out money (the amount always remains at the discretion of the distributor), handkerchiefs, soap or tea. Like Christians, it is not customary for Muslims to talk at the memorial table, but even those present do not make speeches about the deceased, leaving all experiences as if inside yourself.

The event obliges the audience to look appropriately. Women must be dressed in closed dresses or sweaters and long skirts... On the head is required a scarf must be tied... At the same time, clothes are predominantly light and white... Men also wear suits of restrained colors, or shirts and trousers in light colors, and a skullcap on their heads. After the meal, the guests do not stay and leave quickly. The owners of the house distribute untouched dishes and sweets to everyone in the form of gifts.

Wake on 7th, 40th days and anniversary

The next memorial service for Muslims is held on the seventh and fortieth days. after a person has passed away, as well as one year later and more. For every commemoration event it is customary to invite the mullah, relatives and just people who knew the deceased. Traditions oblige to lay a modest table, read prayers and make alms at every commemoration. The commemoration, which takes place a week after death, for 40 days and on the anniversary, as a rule, are held in a narrow circle of relatives and relatives of the deceased. But everyone who was familiar with him has the opportunity to honor the memory of the deceased at any time. According to Muslim traditions, in the name of a departed person, you can give alms to those in need and pray in the mosque. During the second and subsequent commemoration, those gathered, including women, can, if they wish, visit the grave of the deceased.

Perhaps someone will say that it is not always feasible to organize and hold a commemoration according to all the canons - be it a Christian memorial, Muslim or secular. Some relatives live far away, others have urgent business ... But no matter what events happen around, no matter how the circumstances develop, it is important to remember: commemoration is a modest ceremony that does not require frills and pathos, the main thing in which is the content that you put into your actions, with what thoughts about the departed you set the table or come to the cemetery. The commemoration is, first of all, an opportunity for loved ones and relatives to preserve in their hearts the bright memory of a person who will never be around again.

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According to Orthodox traditions, the soul of a deceased person wanders the earth for forty days, saying goodbye to his relatives and friends. The fortieth day is very important for the soul, it is then that she appears before the face of God and is responsible for all her life's actions. On this day, the soul itself is no longer able to change anything, but this is subject to the relatives and friends of the deceased. Our ancestors sacredly revered church traditions, and they instilled this in us. But today's rhythm of life puts us at times before a difficult choice. No one is able to stop time or make it run faster, the commemoration does not always coincide with our weekend, and the question remains relevant for many: is it possible to remember forty days earlier?

A tribute to tradition

The day of death is considered the first when the soul begins to wander between the worlds. The wanderings end in the fortieth - by the decision of further destiny souls. The importance of this moment cannot be overemphasized. The most important thing we can do is pray for a person, remember all his positive qualities. With our prayers and memories, we ask the higher powers to make a positive verdict and be merciful.

The deceased should be remembered throughout all forty days, therefore, when asked whether it is possible to remember a person earlier, the answer can only be "yes." However, it is on the 40th day that it is necessary to visit the church and order a memorial prayer. Try to remember the deceased with kind words as often as possible.

If you are unable to organize a memorial dinner on the 40th day, do not be discouraged. The memorial meal itself has no meaning for the deceased. It is not a plentiful table and all kinds of food that is important, but your attention, prayers and memories are important. Submit a note to the liturgy in the church, attend the service on the 40th day, at the end of which order a panikhida.

Prayer remembrance

The tradition of gathering loved ones at the memorial table has existed for many years, but church officials note that on especially important days after the death of a person, it is prayer commemorations, and not memorial dinners, that play a huge role. In ancient times, it was customary to share food with the poor and beggars, attend the service and order a memorial prayer for the salvation of the soul of the deceased.

It should be noted that memorial days often fall on major church holidays. Priests urge to spend time not at the table with friends and family, but in church - in prayer for the soul and in the name of all saints.

It is very important not only to order a prayer for the repose of the soul, but also to be present at this time in the temple, turning to the Lord together with everyone. It is the prayer commemoration that should not be postponed a day earlier or later, it should be held on important days for the soul - the 3rd, 9th and 40th after death.