Obscene horoscope for the zodiac signs Leo. A humorous horoscope with obscenities about zodiac signs

home Scorpio and Aries are the most

vulgar zodiac signs. The zodiac sign, no matter how many inhabitants of our planet deny it, has a huge influence on the fate and character of a person. The zodiac sign is the sign under which the Sun was located at the moment of birth of each of us. The second most influential factor on later life is the date of birth. This, so to speak, is what influenced the decision to single out two of the twelve zodiac signs and enter them into the category “The Most»

vulgar zodiac signs Astrologer's advice:

By contemplating cosmic bodies late in the evening or at night, you can find out the answers to various dilemmas, even without having any special skills. Take advantage of this opportunity in confusing situations. The zodiac sign, no matter how many inhabitants of our planet deny it, has a huge influence on the fate and character of a person. The zodiac sign is the sign under which the Sun was located at the moment of birth of each of us. The second most influential factor on later life is the date of birth. This, so to speak, is what influenced the decision to single out two of the twelve zodiac signs and enter them into the category “The Most It would seem why Scorpio fell under the category “The Most

vulgar zodiac signs"? Yes, all because, after a calm, a storm of passions comes. And here it is no longer clear whether the chosen one or the chosen one was lucky. That’s how Scorpios are, quiet at first, but once you cheer them up and that’s it... it’s not so easy to get rid of them. Personalities who were born under the sign of Scorpio incinerate their soulmate faster than they charm her. Scorpios are quite difficult, created specifically for those who are not looking for easy ways. But with all this, this applies to all Scorpio representatives; intimate relationships come first for them. The Scorpio woman loves to talk about all sorts of vulgar things. She also likes to remember past relationships, thereby causing jealousy in her current partner. Although it may not be possible to liberate her right away, if you do succeed, then she will love you for the rest of her life, and you will love her too. Another advantage of the zodiac sign is seriousness in relationships. From birth, at the cellular level, they have a certain goal to continue their kind. As you can understand, Scorpios are good companions for family life, you just have to reach out to their “cold” heart.

Naturally, take into account that an individual horoscope from an astrologer provides maximum information that cannot be understood from general characteristics. The zodiac sign, no matter how many inhabitants of our planet deny it, has a huge influence on the fate and character of a person. The zodiac sign is the sign under which the Sun was located at the moment of birth of each of us. The second most influential factor on later life is the date of birth. This, so to speak, is what influenced the decision to single out two of the twelve zodiac signs and enter them into the category “The Most"Not very surprising. After all, this is a sign of fire. And fire is associated with warmth and passion. But why weren't other fire signs included in this list? Most likely, because they are simply obsessed with intimacy. All vulgarity is embedded in their brains. In addition, the Aries personality is stubborn and likes to impose its opinion on others. The next trait of the sign is selfishness. Well, it's hard not to understand why. And conquering Aries is not so easy. For example, for an Aries woman it is necessary to show and convince her of your authority, strength and confidence. So weak, defenseless, slobs can avoid such women. With all this, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a man or a woman, Aries will be the main thing in the relationship. The disadvantages of this sign are that Aries are usually fickle and flighty. The reason for this may be monotony, simply put to them, it becomes boring. Therefore, if you decide to have a relationship with a woman of the Aries sign, be prepared to constantly surprise with something. And this applies, first of all, to actions rather than to the vulgar side of relationships. Like all people on Earth, even people like Aries, sometimes they want banal care, home warmth and comfort.

All people are different, so to say that Aries and Scorpio are the most vulgar zodiac signs, and to claim that such an opinion applies to all representatives is stupid. This is just a generalization. Although these conclusions are based on the results of experiments. But you must admit that those thousand people are not all and not even part of all.

Aries the Ram - he is the Ram. He's always right and doesn't lie. It’s easier to kill him right away than to start arguing with him, because it’s possible to out-argue Aries only in one case - if he is a deaf-blind, armless, and legless disabled person (and then, there is a huge chance that even in this case he will still show you nothing). But Aries are honest. Sometimes they are so honest that it hurts your teeth: he will answer very honestly if your haircut doesn’t suit you or your dress makes you look fat. There's nothing you can do about it, you'll have to put up with it (or kill it, as mentioned above). In household chores, Aries, as a rule, is useless - he only knows how to generate brilliant ideas, and tries not to desecrate the soles of his feet with the dust of existence. However, if you let Aries understand that Sagittarius washes the floors better than him, he will be a bone-chilling infection, but he will rosin your parquet every Saturday, because there is no thing in the world that Aries would give up to Sagittarius. There is never a dull moment with Aries - this sign has some kind of karmic talent to look for adventures in its beautiful rear. He knows how to make money easily and quickly, but as a proud and principled guy, he hates money, so he tries to get rid of it instantly. At the same time, he always has some kind of stash, which is actually much more appropriate for a Virgo to have. Because of the impenetrable chatter about the nest egg, he forgets, which is very beneficial to his dear friend Aries, especially if this friend is Gemini.

Taurus

Taurus is a scribe and I have nothing more to say about this sign. Even more stubborn than Aries, but does not have his charming careless babbling. Plyushkin, capable of lovingly storing all sorts of unnecessary junk in the house for centuries, is very surprised when they try to put all these broken transistor radios, ball bearings, rags, waste paper and other crap in the trash. He is constant in his attachments, including to human junk, which is why he is unhappy in love, alas. Suspicious to the point of horror, jealous, never an innovator, so at first glance he may seem like a dull eccentric. Secret pervert. He loves sex until he loses his pulse. Distrustful of new people, but for old friends he will tear the last calico shirt on his chest and a hair on his butt. Why the hell should friends have a torn shirt? I’m basically incapable of thinking. Altruistic, although he constantly gets punched in the face for it.

Twins

Twins are very cool if there is one, and quite a paragraph if there are at least two of them. They can chatter non-stop for at least three days and never repeat themselves, which is generally funny, but sometimes tiring. Geminis are usually envied by everyone, because he is a reaper, a reader, and a player on the pipe, in other words, there is a plug in every hole. But no one realizes how difficult it really is for Gemini to survive and choose in this huge world of possibilities - it always seems to them that life is passing them by, even if they are up to their necks in events. Loves sex, eating and receiving new information - best at the same time. For this he is considered a pervert, although in reality he is simply saving time. He is phenomenally lazy, he does ninety percent of his hectic activities only so that they will finally get away from him and leave him alone. Gives the impression of a babble and a general washi, although in fact it’s not a fool to read Kant and Kierkegaard in between babbles (reading is often accompanied by idiotic laughter and interjections like “yyyy”, which looks very nice, because humor in Kierkegaard can really only be found Twin). Sentimental like the last port... mmm... girl of easy virtue, believes in romance, although he constantly denies it and defiantly bares his teeth at those who talk about it. In love, he is usually unhappy (one would like to say - because he believes in romance), because only Aries can endure the extravaganzas of idiotic fun and cheerful idiocy constantly organized by Gemini, and Aries is not enough for all Geminis.

Cancer

Cancer is a hypochondriac schmuck, constantly annoying everyone with questions like: “what if I sit in the jacuzzi after Pedro-Francesco-Figozvondo? will definitely die of hunger, because he is physically unable to eat a product that is not wrapped in plastic, but lying, say, under a palm tree. He loves sex, but somehow without a spark. However, if he wants, he can give it the heat, but then he will eat himself for it. the fact that he tried so hard, in general, in vain. Cancer women are precisely those who watch porn with the hope that in the end everyone will certainly get married. They like to talk long and gloomily about their own illnesses and other failures in life, which scares them away. themselves, except Taurus - they are even more tedious in matters concerning their own body. Faithful, because they are afraid of chlamydia and trichomoniasis. They are prone to drunkenness and philosophy, both of which usually do not lead to good things for Cancers.

a lion

People are divided into two classes - the retinue, which is allowed to the body, and lackeys, about whom they sharpen their claws and teeth. An egoist, of course, but you forgive Leo’s egoism for his holy and unshakable belief in his own awesomeness. Fall for flattery, it’s an infection; with its help you can get anything out of Leo. He is generous and not a fool to laugh at himself. Everyone else should refrain from ridiculing Leo unless they want to spend the remaining hours of their painful existence in intensive care with a stake below their back. Rude, but elegant. He is capable of trampling anyone head over heels in poop, which he sometimes does out of pure curiosity and a childish desire to “poop.” Master in everything. It makes it clear to the partner how awesome happiness came to him in the form of Leo and demands appropriate treatment. I don’t mind if in everyday life he is simply called the Almighty. A faithful friend, however, he loves to give expensive and valuable gifts so that everyone will once again be imbued with his awesomeness. He loves to eat, sleep and talk, which is why he is often friends with Geminis. Unbearable in large quantities if you are Virgo, Cancer or Pisces.

Virgo

What can I say about a sign when dry science has already said everything for me? Virgo is the most cruel and inhuman sign of the zodiac. According to international statistics, the majority of psychopathic maniacs come from Virgos. She is able to smile tenderly at you, and in her head draw a delightful picture of your intestines tied to a chandelier. I’ll tell you a secret - all the little Virgos in childhood plan to become the Black Lords of the Planet, and when they grow up and realize that they have been deceived, they become simply heartless monsters and poison them with their pedantry and love of law and order (and the roots, of course, still come from snotty desires to fuck Universe) existence for literally everyone who is lucky enough to live with Virgo in the same territory. A Virgo wife is the aunt who makes your bed when you get up to pee at three in the morning. The Virgo man is the scariest math teacher you can imagine. Control freaks, of course. They love on a schedule, because everything should be in order. He doesn’t explain the reasons for his actions to anyone, the reason for this is, again, delusions of grandeur brought out of childhood. However, he can also go to the other extreme - not to consider himself worth a penny and, in general, to pretend to be a victim and a lamb every day, which bores those around him to death. In general, by the way, she likes to play on the nerves of her loved ones and begin to suffer in public, and she herself usually believes in her suffering, which is why she begins to get sick and waste away. She’s useful in everyday life because she knows and can do a lot of tricks (I learned them while I was planning to become the Black Lord). In general, you can live with it if you completely abstract yourself and remove weapons from the house.

Scales

In short - an esthete of figs. Seven Fridays in a week - and there: Picasso, Gauguin-figurines, oh holy art, and he won’t even think of taking out the trash can with him. Not before. All his adult life he has been rushing around in search of a bright ideal, so he doesn’t find time to learn how to cook or sew on buttons. He loves to dress up, and at the same time pisses off everyone around him, choosing between this one with mother-of-pearl buttons and this one with silk stitching. It’s not a fool to go to the left, at the same time he can have a permanent partner and explain the betrayal by the fact that with his soul he is always faithful to the One, and his body is so, the essence of fetid dust. Chasing peace of mind, which is basically unattainable for Libra, because the wandering nature always outweighs highly spiritual ideals. Like all indecisive hoopoes, it often suffers from nervous diseases such as psoriasis and gastritis. Envious, but not malicious. It usually looks gentle and sad, awakening a dangerous desire to caress and take under wing, which should not be done under any circumstances, because Libra can endure the brain better than all other signs combined. He is in constant cognitive dissonance between reality and what he wants, because he is a sucker.

Scorpion

Lover-terrorist. When there is no one to love, the brain begins to love. As a rule, to yourself. He is constantly bursting with all sorts of crazy ideas, he is narcissistic to the point of horror, he is ready every day to stare in the mirror at his reflection and state with a touching smile that there is definitely nothing more beautiful in the world. He’s hysterical, and he’s not even shy about flaunting it. In life, he is only interested in sex and himself, and, at the very least, in people who are interested in him. Good-natured, if you don’t try to borrow money from him. By the way, he loves money almost as much as he loves himself and knows how to earn it. There are no hidden powers; getting information out of Scorpio that he does not want to disclose is almost as difficult as marrying off a fifty-year-old virgin. Two-faced, constantly rushing between high ideals and the desire to make someone a bastard. The desire and ability to break through a wall with his forehead can only be compared with Aries; he often chooses just as stupid goals, but does not give up on principle. He stoically endures all the trouble that constantly befalls him, because he knows he deserves it. In general, he gives the impression of a jabberwocky - scary, loud, infectious, menacing - but at heart he is a true shushpan.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius is another zodiac scribe. Sagittarius's personal opinion must become the ultimate truth for everyone who happens to be nearby. He expresses it willingly, often, and even when he is strongly advised not to do so and generally threatens to break his face for it. He is sincerely perplexed if they are offended at him for this. In general, the infection is a very lucky sign in life, which somewhat compensates for his constant lack of money. Sagittarius, despite his penchant for accusatory verbal monologues, usually has many friends who, poor him, feed and warm him. And all because he cleverly knows how to pretend to be a pussy, especially when his mouth is busy with food. The main drawback is that he cannot shut up, telling everyone the truth about everyone, so he is able to blurt out unnecessary things, for which, again, he often gets beaten. Prone to all forms of drug addiction, as well as religious fanaticism, which is essentially the same thing. Kind, but you’ll understand this right away.

Capricorn

At first glance, it is a dull miracle. Capricorn's motto is this: no matter how bad I feel today, tomorrow will probably be even worse. The infection disguises itself as a cheerful person, so as not to rake you for the gloomy expression on your face, but it still rake you. Capricorn achieves happiness in only one way - by plowing like hell. An idle Capricorn is a dead Capricorn. If he is deprived of the opportunity to work, he will still come up with a bunch of strange activities for himself, because without work, Capricorn cannot achieve Zen, and a Capricorn who has not achieved Zen is Cancer. Do you need it? At first he seems meek and even tame, but at the first convenient opportunity he will hit your butt with his clumsy horns, and will do this with special pleasure if you are Gemini or Leo - these signs cannot stand for their playfulness inappropriate for their status. Sly-butt. Stingy - but not always. Feels best when hugging a money bag. He loves to tease, cannot stop even when the situation is heating up, but he does it so skillfully that he himself is shocked when he gets away with it. In general, he’s not a dirty trickster, although he looks like one. In choosing partners he is guided mainly by common sense and calculation, therefore in family life, he is happier than anyone.

Aquarius

Special signs - everyone, well, absolutely everyone likes them, like the notorious chervonets. In terms of chatting, it is a worthy competitor to Gemini, communicating, even in an unfamiliar company is eager, like a long-distance sailor to the red light district. He always looks a little fallen from the oak tree, and that’s what fascinates him. A slight flair of goofiness gives Aquarians an inexplicable charm that attracts stupid, enthusiastic fans to them. Even if everything in Aquarius’s life goes wrong, he manages to give advice to others that, by the way, works. With all the visible and tangible fluffiness and awesomeness, he is potentially a great criminal. Always a swindler, even if only in dreams. There is no Aquarius without criminal history in the dark past; he breaks the law completely without remorse and even, dare I say it, with pleasure. At the same time, he understands perfectly well, unlike the same Geminis who act unkosher, but he doesn’t care. Outwardly they look like a cross between the Mad Hatter and Marilyn Monroe.

Fish

Pisces come in two varieties: fiends of hell who are freaked out by their own unscrupulousness and faithful, truly kind angels with unshakable morality. Moreover, vile Pisces, as a rule, are forgiven everything in life, while the angelic Martyr Fish irritate ordinary people with their unattainable holiness. Walking to the left can be scary, and catching a Fish in fornication or making her confess to it is more difficult than seeing a wrinkled snork. Until the very end, you will look into her honest, tear-filled eyes and believe, believe. You are inclined to talk dirty, even when there seems to be no need, to create fog and generally mislead people, but you cannot be offended by Pisces for this, Hellish pangs of conscience are a common thing for them, and sometimes they suffer to the extreme for something they didn’t do. They tend to idealize people, and then take offense at them for turning out to be hoopoe hoopoes. They can, out of the blue, begin to take revenge on the world around them, in the abstract. They are touching in their illusions, and even when they turn out to be infectious, you still involuntarily forgive them for their global inability to live in our material world.

A matte horoscope about zodiac signs is an opportunity to see the corresponding description from the other humorous side, and perhaps draw some conclusion, because in every joke there is a small percentage of the joke, and the rest is true. We hope funny horoscope with obscenities, will lift the mood of every visitor, but it’s not necessary matte horoscope about zodiac signs Take it literally, it's just a joke and entertainment.

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The present

Future

• Scorpio can rightfully be called a terrorist fucker, because he not only fucks his own brains, but also those of everyone around him. This is a narcissistic type who constantly spins crazy ideas in his head. It’s better not to fight with this asshole, because such fuckers can strike at the most inopportune moment, which will be remembered until the end of days.
• Aries is one of the most active signs, constantly preoccupied with creative and sexual ideas. Although he is a ram, he does not back away from the gate, but immediately attacks it from a running start, which indicates his high degree of recklessness and perseverance. Since childhood, the Kama Sutra has been a reference book, but, despite studying poses and pictures from early childhood, in sex he is like an unbridled horse, modest and hasty, in general he fucks like a rabbit. As for work, his hands grow out of his ass, he can’t do anything on his own, he can only give birth to innovative ideas.
• Taurus is a brat, a rare idiot and a brake. He is more stubborn than an Aries. Plyushkin spends his life collecting and saving all his life some kind of junk and shit that will never be damn useful. Constant attachment to anything, including various rubbish and “shit,” makes him unhappy in love relationships. This is a hidden pervert who, when drunk, reveals his talent as a sexual innovator. In general, Taurus is jealous to a fault. He is distrustful of new acquaintances, but for friends he is ready to tear his last shirt and give away his last booger.
• The sign of Gemini has collected all the possible perversions of the world. He loves extraordinary sex more than anything else, and loves to experiment with all kinds of partners. Geminis can never be caught sitting still, as they have an awl in their butt. This sign can talk for hours, and can bullshit about anything, forgetting how the conversation began in the first place. Twins make awesome journalists and paparazzi. They try drugs to get new sensations, but the twins do not turn out to be professional drug addicts.
• Cancer never has problems with money, but, despite his financial well-being, he always cries to those around him: “the scribe has come ass.” Cancer, you can often find him sitting in a corner, minding his own business, he never bothers anyone, so it is very important for him that they think of him, that he is a fucking pepper. Cancers have a special sensitivity to diseases, so they make excellent charlatans, swindlers and “psychics”. If cancer does not realize itself professionally in life, then it begins to look for the meaning of its existence in a bottle or a joint.
• Leos make awesome bosses who decently and generously worry about the fate of each subordinate. When the time comes to pay those who worked their butts off, they, as generous managers, divide the income fairly, and even, in rare cases of course, during payday, allow them to drink booze right at the workplace. Lions, like cockroaches, crawl out of all the cracks, trying to get to power. Lions. They are well versed in fashion and various bohemian shit.
• Virgos are true workaholics who are always drawn to work. In sex, this sign is a real plowman who will fuck in all the holes without a break. He is very afraid of getting bullied from his friends, so he always controls his market. Virgos are able to do several things at the same time, experiencing an incomparable orgasm from this. Virgos do not abuse dope and vodka, as they fill their brains with knowledge. Representatives of this sign make cruel terrorists, since Virgos have the deepest knowledge of natural sciences.
• Libra is a sign that finds a positive moment in any situation, so they never experience deep depression, and there is always a wide smile on their face. Many people, when meeting representatives of this sign, think that they are permanent patients of Durka. Libras have unique creative abilities; they can sculpt anything from dermis. For Libras, the greatest challenge is choosing something; they always think hard and for a long time about this dilemma, and in the end they always excuse themselves with a banal phrase - “I should think about it again.”
• Sagittarians are never at home, they are constantly looking for adventures. They hang out in a variety of places from bars to the Amazon jungle. The thirst for new knowledge pushes Sagittarius to various countries, and infinitely inflated self-esteem is the reason for the bullshit that he receives very often. Sagittarians do not know how to refuse people, for which they often suffer; if you ask them for help, they will happily give away a handful of dough, and sometimes for free.
• Capricorn is a sign that loves various parties, and in its company it chooses those people who meet certain criteria. This restless sign is constantly pushing upward, achieving certain heights; there are no barriers for him, be it a rock or a career ladder. He calmly accepts criticism because he knows his worth.
• Many representatives of the Aquarius sign are real sloths; in order for Aquarius to start doing something, he definitely needs a kick in the ass. Can hit specific pussies, with a specific collision. Thanks to the out-of-the-box thinking that comes from getting stoned, Aquarius is able to give birth to brilliant projects that can benefit society. Representatives of this sign sincerely wish all people well, and they don’t give a damn what others think about them.
• Pisces always look for easy ways to solve a problem, but if they don’t find such options, they choose the path where they can get less pussy. Representatives of this sign are creative people who feel good in the art of acting, where they can live someone else’s life. Pisces need to be extremely careful with drugs, because, having experienced the taste of dope, they kill their dicks on those around them.

Playful horoscope with obscenities– this is a great mood for people who understand jokes)))